iCiNG Transformation Challenge - a wrap up.

So the iCiNG transformation challenge doesn't officially wrap up until tomorrow, but I thought I'd summarise the experience in my Friday post. For those of you have started reading since my previous post at the start of the challenge, my motto for the month was "Stop bitching and start doing" and I wanted this to apply to my body, my love life and my faith.

I was transformed over the month, but not in the way that I expected. Opportunities sprung up for me to get more involved with my faith and I feel like I grew in the way I had wanted and expected. Some frank and honest conversations with the women in my 20-somethings group at church filled in some missing links for me and I finish the month feeling much more confident about where I am in the universe and the underlying purpose for things being the way they are. I do wonder whether my confidence in my current situation - that fate is predestined and that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be - has affected my feelings towards the other two areas of focus - body and love life.

Because the reality is that, over the course of the month, I've... stopped caring.


GASP... I know. It's not that being a slim size 12 and having a man wouldn't be nice... it would! But I just don't care as much about it anymore. Uni looks so full on this year and when I'm busy dashing here to there, walking 3kms to and from the train each day I'll be eating less and exercising more. The caf on campus is shitty so I'll be brown bagging it where I can. My weight should get down to where it normally sits and that's good enough for me. I want to be healthy - the excess weight I'm carrying exacerbates my PCOS and for that reason alone I'd like to lose the jelly but a switch has flicked in my head... now it's about being healthy, not about being skinny. If this size was healthy, I would stay this size.

As far as a man goes, my life is full as it is. A guy would have to be fairly exceptional for me to want to make the sacrifices to fit him into my life... because at this stage, something would have to give. I know that if I meet the right guy then I'll want to see a little less of my friends, that I'll feel able to say no to a few of my obligations and that I'll be happy doing that. But until that guy comes along, I'm going to keep living my life at a high rpm enjoying all the experiences that I can.

So the transformation didn't work out exactly like I'd planned, but it helped me realise what I did want... which in some ways is even better. Did any of you do the iCiNG transformation challenged? Did it turn out the way that you had expected? Have you ever focused on something only to find out after further examination that it wasn't what you wanted?

Literary Inspiration on Aging - John Galsworthy

James had passed through the fire, but he had passed also through the river of years which washes out the fire; he had experienced the saddest experience of all--forgetfulness of what it was like to be in love.

-The Forsyte Saga by John Galsworthy

While flicking through trying to find a suitable quote to do with aging (why? Cause it's my birthday on Sunday! Am I big-upping myself? Abso-freakin-lutely!) I came across this quote from The Forsyte Saga. As I read it, it made me think - and as per usual you guys get to join me on that journey. Lucky you :P

I was on Facebook yesterday and looking through photos of friends at a drinks thing that I wasn't able to make. Hitting next, next, next. All of a sudden popped up a picture of Ex-S with his arm around another girl... and it didn't hurt anymore. I was surprised, but I didn't get the stab in the heart that I used to. I've come through the fire and out the other side of it fairly whole. But with the course of time (and it has taken a LONG time for it not to hurt anymore - we broke up in Nov 07) the bad memories have started to fade and that's not a bad thing

BUT

the good ones seem to have faded a bit too. I remember them as fun, but not with that golden-shimmer sparkle. I seem to have lost the nerve or the desire to say, like the character of Gareth toasts the couple at the Scottish wedding in the film, Four Weddings and a Funeral:

"A toast before we go into battle. True love - in whatever shape or form it may
come - may we all in our dotage be proud to say 'I was adored once too'."

I miss feeling like I was adored once, and I don't know what to do to get that feeling back. Any hints or ideas, Scribblettes?

200th post - in which I reveal what I look like in real life!

Yeah, that's me in the picture... fooled ya! As I get to know some of you, I've Facebook friended you and kiwi bloggers who follow me on Twitter will know there's a small photo of me as part of my mother's article in the largest weekly woman's magazine (and a tiny pic of me wearing massive glasses on Twitter itself) but this blog will probably always remain anonymous. With teenagers becoming very Web 2.0 savvy, the last thing I need is one of my students next year finding my blog and finding out I'm not the roaring lion that I come across as... that really I'm more of a wallowing hippo :D

Speaking of students - EXCITEMENT! I have just under two days of full-time work left and then I'm at orientation for my GradDip in Secondary Teaching. I am beyond excited, completely nervous and totally rapt at the same time. Our first practicum (when we're actually teaching in a class) is only four weeks after we start. Full on, no? Tied in with this is the chance meeting I had with an old English teacher who is now in a senior management position and told me to do my practicum at his school as that's the pool of applicants they usually hire from. So with my wonderful powers of persuasion at the Faculty of Education I will have a fantastic position in a school that will allow me to grow my career in the way I want!

More EXCITEMENT! It is my birthday on Sunday and I turn the ripe old age of 24 (I actually hate the phrase "ripe old" - it makes it sound like I smell). I waver between the "Hooray, it's going to be my birthday" when I think about my birthday dinner, "It's not that important" when thinking about how mum isn't feeling well enough to come to aforementioned birthday dinner and "Oh my giddy aunt, I'm turning 24 and what have I done with my life?". I'm trying to focus on the birthday dinner though, and think of other things I'd like to do to make this weekend special. This time last year I was coming out the other side of my depression so I did nothing at all for my birthday... this year I feel like I really need to make a big deal about it.

Blog EXCITEMENT - 200 posts? Amazing! Seems hard to believe but then I was writing daily posts when I was underemployed in Nov/Dec 08. If you read my blog and are yet to comment, please delurk and let me know who you are! I'll consider it an early birthday present. I hope to have a guest blogger in for you guys this weekend for Sunday Afternoon Reads - also let me know in the comments if you would like to do a guest post at some point for me!

Look forward to hearing from you guys!

Sunday Afternoon Reads: "The Necklace" by Cheryl Jarvis

This week's book is "The Necklace" by Cheryl Jarvis and focuses on the true story of thirteen women and how they bought a expensive diamond necklace together - to share. It follows their diferent reactions and experiences to having this necklace (Jewelia) and these women in their lives. Mum purchased it and read during her hospital stay and loved it so I was intrigued to see what my reaction would be upon reading.

I thought it was... okay. Whilst the premise of the story is great - there is plenty of jewellery I would be quite happy to own with friends - I felt that in the end, the experience of reading the novel fell flat for me. The story is structured so that each chapter focuses on a woman and her experiences over the extended period of time (three or so years) that the novel takes place but then also attempts to tell the story chronologically, a little piece at a time in each woman's chapter. Sound confusing while I'm explaining? Yeah, it was confusing to read too.

The key reason why I think it appealed more to my mother than to me is our ages. The issues these women are dealing with in their lives are, for the most part, ones that I simply can't identify with. I tend to get more involved with a book when I can identify with the themes, even if the plot is something about a barbarian warrior on a quest to bring back a object to a castle that will ultimately doom him to a certain death. In this vein, I think that you will get vastly more out of this novel if you are in later stages of life (with grown children, etc) than you will if you are just at the start of your adult journey.

2.5 stars out of 5

"The Price of Salt" Giveaway drawn - gosh, I'm so slack with this!

A while ago I ran a giveaway that was meant to be drawn at the beginning of Feb! Why did you guys not harrass me??? Here we go (drumroll please)...

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

2 

Timestamp: 2009-02-20 06:02:03 UTC

When I compare this against the comments, the lovely Bambola has won! I'll be in touch to work out how to get this to you hun!

Literary Inspiration - Henry V

"All things are ready, if our minds be so."

- Henry V, William Shakespeare

I'm an avid Shakespeare buff. For a man who lived centuries ago, many of his themes are as relevant in today's society as they were when the plays were first written. Who hasn't felt that their love has been star-cross'd? Many a parent has despaired like King Lear and a large lot of relationships in our teens and early twenties start from ungainly beginnings like Beatrice and Benedick. With such a breadth of work, it's hard to pick "favourite" quotes but I felt that this quote was very applicable to my state of mind today.

I woke up this morning in serious contemplation. Maybe it's the fact that I'm soon to turn 24 (a week and a half, I can barely believe it) or maybe it's the fact that I'm just about to start the teaching component of my training and my future now seems to be becoming very real. I sat at the desk between customers contemplating what I was searching for, what were the pieces of the puzzle that were missing. Lo and behold, by the end of the day I have a lead on a teaching job for next year. Now if I focus that hard on Prince Charming...

Taking care of yourself first...

I'm a good person, I care for others... I have no doubt that most of you readers are like myself and always want to try your hardest and do your best to please other people. It seems to be in my blood to want to help others - I do that in my role as a frontline receptionist and it's a big reason as to why I am becoming a teacher. It plays a part in my christian faith as well, I want what I do in this life to matter... I want to make positive differences in people's lives while I can.

The problem is when this gets out of hand. I'm a sucker for a plea and a large pair of puppy dog eyes. I overcommit myself and I'd never cancel out on something I had promised to do without feeling overwhelming pangs of guilt. I almost rostered myself on my birthday weekend at work! An old school friend is getting married in our gardens... we're not that close, I'm not invited to her wedding or anything, but she came in this morning to pay her deposit for her wedding at the end of this month. She asked if I was working that weekend, because that would be fantastic if I was. Wistfully implying it would be fantastic if they could deal with me rather than someone that they don't know. I could hear the words coming out of my mouth "Well, I can see if I can..." HALT mouth HALT. I said, with a huge amount of effort "...actually I can't work that day. I have uni the following Monday and I'll have a lot to get organised." Not to mention that it is my birthday weekend... what prevents me from just saying "No" with a regretful shake of the head?

I put aside time to work, yet feel guilty when I can't work late/work a shift that the boss can't find cover for. I put aside time for study, yet feel guilty when I'm out on the town knowing that my assignment still needs to be completed. I hate hate hate when I have to choose between church stuff and friends stuff because both are equally important to me. I perpetually feel like I'm failing someone - at the moment, my church/work/social lives are so hectic that I really feel like I'm letting down my parents at the home front.

I choose this day, this moment to confess my feelings and to make a vow to stop feeling so bad, to stop being so apologetic if I can't do something. I'm challenging myself to say no if it really is inconvenient to me. Are you stuck in the same cycle when maybe you aren't being selfish enough? Let me know in the comments and make the pledge!

Sunday Afternoon Reads: "The Pillars of The Earth" by Ken Follett

It's been on Oprah's Book Club, it's in the Whitcoulls Top 100 list... widely acclaimed but is it good? The Ken Follett novel The Pillars of The Earth intrigued me from the moment I picked it up and read the blurb. When you read a LOT, like I do, there's a danger of finding some above-average books rather mundane. It seems to me that there's simply a limit to how many times you can read a similar plot line in a certain time period. The idea of a novel spanning the construction of a cathedral in the thirteenth and fourteenth century appealed to me. The idea was innovative and it appeared at first read to be a bit of an ensemble saga novel - following multiple character stories over a long period of time. I have to admit I'm a bit partial to this novel structure... I find that it stays fresh even if the novel is a longer length.

The characters are well constructed; key characters are outlined extensively but I was rapt at the way that background characters were named and included, rather than just being "that monk" or "the Jewish lender". Especially in the Kingsbridge Priory scenes, it gave the feeling of community so necessary to the understanding of the setting. By the same token, I was pleased that some of the characters retained their sense of mystery until the story lines were neatly tied off in the last few chapters. As much as it frustrated me that Jack Jackson wasn't finding the answers he wished for about Jack Shareburg and Ellen, the final denouement where resolution is brought about was perfectly timed and brought about further resolutions that were highly unexpected.

What didn't I like? The death of a key character sat awkwardly with me - I wondered whether it was really necessary to kill this character off when his story was by no means exhausted. The more I thought about this though, the more I felt it was true to life... just because you want a person to stick around, just because you feel that they have vastly more story to go, there's no guarantee that they won't be taken from you. I did have concerns about the depiction of vendettas amongst the higher clergy in this story but this is nicely resolved in a speech by Prior Philip near the end of the novel as he extends kindness to Waleran.

Above all, a book full of intriguing themes: the fallibility of man, the hypocrisy of the early church, pride, doing what you want as opposed to doing what you know is right.

4 out of 5 stars.

My apologies to my kiwi readers, for whom this has come through on a Monday morning. After a particularly crazy Saturday night (that involved serenading the taxi driver) and a Sunday afternoon spent at the hospital I was knackered... and I really wanted to do this book justice. Love you guys... and hey, it's still Sunday afternoon somewhere :D

Saturday Afternoon of Love... Valentine's Edition.

I must preface this with a mum update - her infection has come back AGAIN - and she is in hospital. I am definitely not loving this. Her IB cancer is less annoying than this damn standard infection that won't go away

What am I loving this week?

♥ My fantastic Valentine's Day present to myself - bought at a third of the original retail price and I am in love. If a girl doesn't have a man to buy diamond-eyed lovebirds for her, she'll just have to do it herself.♥ On that note, I've decided to love being single on Valentine's Day rather than have an awful coupled up one. I'm big on the romance factor and so knowing for sure that I have to rely on myself for that, rather than hoping someone else remembers... makes life easier.
♥ My boss... when I walked into the office and said that mum had been admitted to hospital, with the same thing and I'd ring her at lunch to find out more details my boss told me to take a break and ring her then and there. I don't know why I expect the worst out of people sometimes, I guess it just shows I've had some really crappy bosses in the past.
♥ Smirnoff RTDs in a can - the last thing you need around a whole bunch of drunk people is glass. It's nice to know that if things got out of hand, people would only be using aluminium cans to try and bash each other up. Far less damage.
♥ Walking home from a party in the early hours of the morning... the world is silent, the stars are shining and everything seems at peace.
♥ Dinner tonight with friends - it should be lovely. Plus, Lone Star does delicious food.
♥ The rain and the cold... bizarre, no? After the intensely hot and humid week that we've had in little Aotearoa (that's New Zealand for those of you not versed in Maori/Te Reo), it's nice for the rain to come in liquid form rather than vapour and humidity and fifteen degrees is quite a pleasure. Sitting at the comp in a jumper for the first time in I don't know how long.

A rather eclectic mixture this week, tell me what you kittens are loving this week?

So, Mum and Dad, I'm a slut and a bisexual...

LOL did my title grab your attention?

I actually said that to my parents last night.

Am I serious?

...

...

...

Come on, Scribblettes, if you've been reading this long enough, you know that while there are many words and labels to describe me, neither of those are applicable.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you'll realise that this Saturday is Valentine's Day. There are pink explosions in the confectionary aisle of the supermarket, online zines and blogs talk about the gorgeous crafty romantic things you can do for your love. The radio is advertising cheaper roses at The Warehouse.

As a lonely single (I really wanted to type singlet there... I am a lonely singlet?), it's so easy to feel left out of this day designed for couples to profess their love for each other. Due to the timing of my relationships I've only had two coupled-up Valentine's Days my entire life. I'd like to say that they sucked, but they really didn't. Thoughtful presents were exchanged and Ex-S took me out to dinner at the same restaurant that we had our first date (yeah, he obviously wasn't always an asshole). Having had these experiences, it's very hard for me to write the holiday off as being a vapid Hallmark holiday... they're a lot of fun!

So what's a girl to do when she's the only Scribble on the page of life? Rope in what seems like her only two single friends (I'm sure I have more, I must have, but Giggles and CC are the only two that leap to my mind or out of my address book in my cellphone) and go out to dinner, celebrating Valentines Day alone, but together. For you new readers, Giggles is a man (a friend I actually made through Ex-S but that's an entirely different blog article) and CC is a lady and we're all each other's dates for Valentines Day. Cue the slut and bisexual joke with my parents last night... man I'm lucky that I have parents I can joke around with like that.

So while those of you out there who are loved up exchange sweet nothings over heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, I'll be laxing out over some delicious food with some people I love very much... just not that way. If you're a lone ranger (or a lonely singlet :P) this Valentine's Day, why don't you do the same?

Literary Inspiration: Wilkie Collins on A Man's Tongue

Women can resist a man's love, a man's fame, a man's personal appearance, and a man's money, but they cannot resist a man's tongue when he knows how to talk to them.

- The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins

Oh those smooth talkin' boys... we all have them in our dating histories. FirstLove was my quintessential charmer, my knight in shining armour... always saying what I wanted to hear, even if he was acting less than perfect behind my back. We don't always for those that fall for us, for those whose power and money could fulfil our every wish. Our honeys may not always be the most gorgeous chocolate in the chocolate box but if they say the words that are chocolate to our starving hearts - SOLD.

Things a guy can say to make me feel wanted, loved - in essence, to steal my heart away:

♥ "You're gorgeous in my eyes" - I have a complex about being the 'smart one' as opposed to the 'pretty one', so a man who thinks I'm gorgeous makes me melt.

♥ "I want to protect you" - I'm a little old-fashioned this way, but I want a guy who is going to help me slay the dragons, that's going to be on my team, a little bit of you-and-me-against-the-world.

♥ "I can see myself marrying you/having gorgeous little kiddies with you" - see old-fashioned above, but I believe that (for me)being in a relationship only for the sake of having a partner is so not worth it. I need to know that the guy at least thinks there's a potential for getting serious, otherwise we're both just wasting our time.

What would a guy have to say to steal your heart away? Or what did he say, you lucky taken girls? Let me know in the comments!

Enough hours in a day...

Sitting at the head table at the wedding this weekend, the best man turned to me and said "Well, as fun as this has been, it's completely ruined my plans for the long weekend". We both laughed, because as much as we wouldn't have chosen to be anywhere else, the wedding rehearsal, preparation and the wedding itself took up a day and a half of the three day weekend. I joked that BestMan would have to make sure that when he got married it was on a long weekend in revenge - Labour Weekend, Easter.

The conversation that we had is symptomatic of a larger challenge that seems to face people today. Suddenly it's fashionable to be run off your feet. I'm guilty of it too - it seems that tonight is the only night this week that I don't have something booked in to do in the evenings and I'm wondering where I'm going to squeeze in my planned girls night out at Na Na Thai with PCock after she gets back tomorrow night. I plan on working as much as I can this year, yet hope to pass my teaching diploma with flying colours. I felt terrible when I couldn't go to a party of a friend's even though I was holidaying in a different island to that of the party locale.

Being busy, for me, used to be a protection thing. After Ex-S and I split, being continually on the go was a way to forget, to get on with life. If I didn't have time to stop, time to think, time to be alone, I was okay. Now it just seems to be a way of life. I can't say no - this is what lead me to work two part-shifts last week when I was incredibly ill with food poisoning. It's still a struggle for me to cancel on someone if I'm not feeling well. Yet I'm perpetually wishing that I had more hours in a day to get things done. Do I clean my room or read the novel that I want to use in my Sunday Afternoon Reads review? Fold the laundry or cook the dinner? The event that has my wheels spinning the most at the moment is my mid-year trip to Sydney.

Why you ask? I'm travelling there on my end of semester break, which limits my travel to the first three weeks of July. In these three weeks, birthdays of three people who are very important to me occur. PCock's birthday is on the 5th, and last year I missed her birthday with my Christchurch holiday. Both Blondie and Gothika celebrate their birthdays on the 12th and I thought I had it all sorted... In NZ for PCock's birthday then fly to Sydney and be there for Gothika's birthday, meaning that I'm only missing Blondie's. Then Gothika announces there's every likelihood that she'll be in NZ for her birthday - and the stack of cards falls down.

I use my gCal and my faithful Kikki.K day planner to meticulously plan out my days and to try and appease everyone... I think that I need to start planning to please myself. Are any of you stuck in a whirlwind of pleasing others and wishing that there were more hours in a day? Let me know in the comments below.

Sunday Afternoon Reads: Xone of Contention and the Xanth Series by Piers Anthony

Reading a new (to me) book in one of my favourite series this week, I struggled with how to present it to you guys, my blog audience. As a novel, it was marvellous but what appeals to me most about this series is this entirely believable fantasy world that the author has created and this builds more as you read more and more novels of the series. The book was Xone of Contention and it is part of the Xanth series by Piers Anthony.

With 32 novels released in the series, Xanth has been the fantasy world that I have grown up with. Bored with the offerings of the primary school library at age 9 (my reading age already tested off primary and secondary education charts), I asked my parents if there were any books of their's that they thought I'd enjoy. They put a Xanth novel in my hand and I was sold.

Xanth is a parallel world that exists alongside ours, a land where magic is the key to daily function as opposed to the science and technology-based world of "dreary Mundania". The series is written with an ensemble cast - similar to television shows like Shortland Street, Home and Away, Coronation Street or E.R., one novel the focus will be on a certain set of characters and this may vary with the next novel. New characters are added and older ones fade out.

Xone of Contention, while a later book in the series, demonstrates more of the magic of Xanth - as mundanes (us ordinary humans), Pia and Edsel's experiences in Xanth heighten the bizarrely literal nature of Xanth... for a future English teacher like myself, the proliferation of punnish creatures - foot balls, cri-tics (and cri-tocks) and handbooks - is an absolute delight.

The real magic of the Xanth series though, is despite the abundance of magic, the hysterical mishaps that come from the land's literal nature and the inherent governance of the Adult Conspiracy to stop things getting too graphic or racy - the sight of a woman's panties will make a man freak out - Piers Anthony still manages to create novels that are very adult - dealing with some very serious issues in a crazy world.

The world can have their Twilight novels and dream about being seduced by a vampire - it's Magician Grey Murphy that does it for me :D

Pick up a Xanth novel - any one will do - and give it a try today. Every single one is worth at least four out of five stars.

A bit of a bitzer...

Several different things floating round in my head today, so it's time for another one of my mongrel articles!

♥ It's Waitangi Day in New Zealand. Supposedly our national holiday - like July 4th for Americans, July 14th for the French - it appears that it's not a Waitangi day without someone attacking our politicians as they walk onto the lower marae at the treaty grounds. Yes, the Europeans came over and totally dicked the maoris in terms of taking sovereignty over the land (as they have done almost everywhere in the world) but governments for as long as I've been alive have been working to make reparations in apology - what more do you want? And at the risk of sounding blase about the whole thing - it was over 150 years ago, let it go a bit mate.

♥ I seem to have given myself a neck injury while suffering from food poisoning in this past week. It clearly hasn't been a stellar week in Scribbles world, at least health wise. Today I'm grateful for a family that pulled together to ensure I was up enough to go out to this hen's night last night. Dad gave me a shoulder rub, Mum put together a party mix of her painkillers (I'm fully aware of how bad that sounds, but I was in that much pain) to take and I just sat there as Middle Sister did my hair and make up and made me look a little less like a scruffy zombie. Living at home sure does have some benefits sometimes.

♥ Two of my friends are getting married tomorrow... and I'm not entirely sure that it has sunk in. I was friends with both of them separately, prior to them being together and now three years down the track from that fateful new years eve they're getting married. I'm so happy for them but in the same moment I'm feeling a little sad - and not sure why. I think it's that with them getting married, I know I'm definitely superfluous to their relationship and that they'll be closer with each other than either of them ever have been or will be with me. It's the nature of the world, I know, and some day it will be me... looking back across the married divide at my single friends knowing that there are things that they will never understand until they are in my shoes.

♥ For those kiwis who are playing along at home, "Guess the identity of Scribbles" will become astonishingly easy (lol it's not like I've been trying that hard to hide it). Mum's article about her fight with inflammatory breast cancer will be in the Woman's Weekly later this month and they want a family photo. The idea is to take it tomorrow at the wedding when we're all glammed up but I'm not sure I want to stand out from the rest of them in a bridesmaid dress. Guess you'll have to buy the issue to see what solution I come up with :D

That's enough of my mutterings for today I think... see you Sunday afternoon for another fab read.

Literary Inspiration: George Santayana on Friendship

One's friends are that part of the human race with which one can be human.

-George Santayana

Over the last couple of weeks I've been lucky to have the opportunity to finally connect in real-life with some of the wonderful people I've met through this blog.While in Christchurch I had the pleasure of meeting up with Andrea of A Cat of Impossible Colour. I was a bit nervous as she was the first person I'd ever met through our mutual bloggy friendship. I had no need to be, we talked widely about a whole bunch of mutual topics (including how, if pressed, we would slaugher our own meat! LOL) as we sipped away on our iced frappes. We also talked about the general disappearance of Miss Karen from around the blogosphere - if you're out there honey, drop me or Andrea a line so we know you're okay! She also gave me Monsieur Petit, whom some of you may from his previous appearance on her blog.
I took him to Akaroa, the only place in New Zealand settled by the French. About an hour outside of Christchurch, I was in Francophile heaven! Monsieur Petit has his own photo album on my Facebook profile and I can't agree more with the following comment:
Akaroa is totally his spiritual home. "I ride zee tiny Hector's Dolphins and taunt zee Blue Penguins while eating a croissant! Hong hong hong." That's the closest I can get to describing French-sounding laughter).Monsieur Petit also came with me to meet Alice, one of my dear readers from Tasmania! She happened to be holidaying in Auckland so me and Monsieur caught the train in to meet her and drunk our take-out coffees on the waterfront. It was really lovely and a nice way to relax after work.
It's amazing how quickly we can become friendly with our fellow blog authors and our readers. In some ways they know more about the real us than some of our friends... us girlie bloggers don't tend to censor ourselves and as a result we are more "human" with each other - we experience the highs and the lows of each other's lives even if we are miles apart. Do you have friendships (or relationships?) that you can never have imagined having without the advent of the internet? Do you feel that you are more human with them, that you are less likely to hide your flaws and neuroses? Let me know in the comments.

Rational vs. Irrational Fears

We all have fears - they may not be the "shriek and jump onto a chair when we see a spider/mouse/rat" type and they don't necessarily have to be the debilitating phobias that stop people living a normal life. Some fears are rational - that is, they have a perfectly valid root cause and may stop us from doing something ridiculous and dangerous to our person.

I have a fear of swimming in water in which I can't touch the bottom. As a toddler, I fell in the neighbour's (rather deep) ornamental goldfish pond and one of my earliest memories as a child was standing on the bottom of that pond looking upwards through the water to the light. The fear doesn't stop me getting into the water - I can still swim and have fun and muck around at the beach - but it stops me from putting myself at risk, especially at New Zealand's changeable surf beaches.

Flyboy refused to go on a ride at our local amusement park last year - Cowgirl and I were kind of amused because it's just one of those rise and drop tower rides. "But (Flyboy)" we asked, "how can you be in the Air Force and be scared of heights?". Flyboy replied that it wasn't heights that he was afraid of, it was falling - because if a machine that they are in starts falling out of the sky, someone's cocked up rather dramatically. Fair point, Flyboy, fair point.

What I really want to address today are irrational fears... those fears that really have no history or sense behind them and stop you from doing things that may bring you exceptional joy. The fear of no one speaking to you at a party stops you from attending alone and making friends with an exceptional bunch of new people. I mean, really, how likely is it that the people at this party you're thinking of attending are rude enough to completely neglect someone clearly as fantastic as you are?

I know that I struggle with irrational fears on a daily basis. Breaking them down, I can see how ridiculous they are.

♥ That no matter what I do, I'll always be fat. So what, I defy the laws of human biology now? The energy equation is simple - if energy out is more than energy in, weight will be lost. I just need to get off my plateau and up the ante.

♥ That having had two big loves so far in my life, I've used up my chances. Okay, can anyone drive a truck through the holes in my theory? I have an aunty who has been married three times, friends who are serial monogamists - the world is full of people who have been in love multiple times. There is zero proof that I won't find love again.

♥ That although teaching is my passion, that I will suck at it - not pass this year or gain my registration. I've done holiday programme with adolescents, I know how to cope with unruly kids and it's not like they expect perfection - this is one case where points are truly rewarded for effort.

The thing that all these irrational fears have in common is that if I choose to believe them, they restrict me. They stop me from fulfilling all the potential I have inside of me - to be a healthy body weight, to live out my dreams of being a contented wife and mother, to be that crazy fun teacher I know I can be. I just need to keep reality checking myself and optimistically looking forward to the future.

What irrational fears do you have? How do you keep yourself in line?

Sunday Afternoon Reads: "Tully" by Paullina Simons

Ever stumble across an author that you can't believe that you haven't read yet? Happens to me with alarming regularity considering that I consider myself quite a broad reader. Wandering around the airport at 5:50 in the morning waiting for my request to "Go to Gate", my great intentions of going back to sleep on the plane flew out the window and I found myself in the book store hunting for a holiday novel - which is completely against my usual habit of either buying them on extreme discount days at Borders or from second-hand stores. I chose this book because it was easier on the pocket than the other book that intrigued me and boy, am I glad that I did.
The book that won was Tully by Paullina Simons. Also famous for her novel "A Girl in Times Square", Tully is a novel that shows the drama in so-called normal life. It follows the titular character Tully and her friends Jennifer and Julie through their adolescent years and into the future, the scope narrowing down more on Tully as the novel progresses through the years. It focuses on the choices that we all have to make in life and the catastrophe that can result from hesitation in making decisions.
I really liked the way that the author writes the plot as largely motivated by the relationships between characters. The times where Tully is the sole character in the book and there are no interactions stand out starkly. Ms. Simons tackles some heavy issues in this novel and, without giving the storyline away, each of the female protaganists has a serious complication in their life that will affect their futures. Do things work out as Jennifer, Julie and Tully had planned? You'll have to read the novel to find out.
This novel felt intensely real to me - all the issues involved in the novel are as relevant in a contemporary setting as they are in the mid-twentieth century setting that the novel was set in and the characters seemed incredibly believable in their reactions... I could see something of all my friends in them. I'll be seeking out more by this author to find whether her other novels speak to my heart on the same level.

4 out of 5 stars.