My deep dark secret...

... is that sometimes I tell little white lies.

I usually pride myself on being a pretty honest person. I also pride myself on being a pretty nice person. Sometimes those just do not meet. It may be an outfit that my sister is wearing that I think gives her muffin top, it may be an event that I am just too exhausted to attend. The truth is often just a little harsh to escape my mouth (that top makes your perfect figure look chubby round the middle, I considered something more important than staying refreshed for your event) so... I lie sometimes.

The lie can be by omission (the truth but not the whole truth) and sometimes it can be a fabrication but the lie usually contains an essence of truth. "I think it would be better without the belt, with the shoes it's just too matchy" sounds nicer than "that belt really emphasises your roll" and illness can work as a cover for fatigue. I feel bad about those lies, but not too bad. Sometimes it really is better to lie than to hurt feelings.

When I feel really awful is when it is an out-and-out porker, a lie purely to save my own skin. It happens very rarely, and would never happen with someone I loved, but it does happen. Like today for example... ahem. Ten minutes before my shift started, I rang work to say that I had been suffering car troubles but that I would be on my way. Yeah, the trouble would be that I had been woken up from an unplanned nap by a frantic mother about twelve minutes before shift started... ooops.

So tell me Scribblettes, are there any occasions in which you think it's okay to lie? What's the biggest whopper you've ever told?

Loving List

It's been a while since I did one of these, but I have a lot to love this week!

♥ All my assignments are handed in for Semester 1! Classes are finished and I have three weeks of holidays with not a heck of a lot planned but reading for the semester ahead - which includes a whole bunch of Shakespearean plays. Divine!

♥ Blood tests! Bizarre I know, but the last couple of months I've felt quite drained. Like abnormally so. I've been ill more than is usual for me and have often felt a bit more run down than I should have been. I've had problems with Vitamin B12, D and zinc deficiency in the past, so this test should let me know if that's become an issue again and get the right pills and jabs to get me back on track.

♥ Lunch with PianoMan. I haven't had many opportunities to do this with being on practicum, but there's something fantastic about breaking up your day with an hour-long interlude with your beloved.

♥ Christchurch in a week! It's not as far afield as we had planned to go (sorry Corrine!) but it will still be good to get out of the biggest smoke and visit a littler smoke, coming back a little more refreshed. It will also be my first time there not staying with family and I have to say that it feels comfortable - we can see them without imposing on them. Plus we're staying at the gorgeous Hotel SO, right in the centre of ChCh.

♥ On that note, looking forward to meeting up with some Christchurch girly bloggers. Andrea (A cat of impossible colour), Bridey (Life of Bridey) and Charlie (I'm a bit of a geek) and I are meeting for Thai - yum! A, B, C and me!

♥ A more packed social calendar! It seems like everyone went into hibernation (myself included) at the end of May. I'm at the point now of having to turn down some invitations - while that sucks that I won't be able to attend those events, it's good to be touching base with friends once again.

♥ On the flipside of that, one of the wonderful things that I've cultivated with PianoMan is a mid-week stay-in date. We cook a nice and easy dinner (risotto, mexican, pasta) and sit down with either a television programme or a movie. We have big conversations and snuggle time on the couch and it's a great way to catch up. My work schedule means that Monday and Tuesday nights we aren't able to see each other, so a midweek date is fantastic for us.

♥ The song "Butterfly Kisses" - it just played on the radio, can anyone tell me who sings this? It's just so beautiful.

♥ The new bronzer I bought today. My anglo ancestry leaves me looking so pale in winter that I can look ill without even trying. Both PianoMan and D at work commented on how healthy I looked today - definitely worth the spend!

♥ In short: Coffee, heaters, spooning, dark chocolate, Lemon V, parents being overseas, sparkling wine, slow starts in the morning, cooking for the boy, a ski jacket my mum bought me that feels like I am wearing a duvet, satay (I am such a peanut fiend, I swear), touch-screen cellphones, season finale of Scrubs, doing small things I know will make the boy happy, organisation, living in slouchy leather boots and cute pictures of monkeys!

♥ My biggest love this week is... my life. While there could always be little bits and pieces to tweak, I am content. And that is fantastic.

Literary Inspirations - Anais Nin on choosing a man

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.

- Anais Nin

For those of you who may be under the illusion that PianoMan and I exist frolicking in fields full of butterflies, I must disabuse you of this notion. I don't tend to write about disagreements or harsh words that we may have because

a)my personal opinion is that relationship goings-on should primarily be kept to the two people with whom the relationship is concerned and

b) it doesn't happen that often with us - for the most part we're really compatible.

I'm breaking this rule (only partially, mind) because I think it illustrates a relationship belief I have very well.

Monday night, we had a tiff. I was stewing and I finally got to the point where I had to say something. He accepted it but felt it necessary to share something of his own back that I did not find comfortable to hear. "What? I'm not perfect? What do you mean?". It can be hard to accept that we aren't infallible beings. We're the exception to the rule - everyone else can be annoying to us but we aren't annoying to anyone else. This isn't the truth for ANYONE.

As much as what we had to say to each other was not easy for us to hear, it was important that it was being said. So many relationships bust up because of a lack of communication - how is your partner meant to meet your needs if he has no idea what they are? It was probably the first time in our relationship that we had to do this but I'm grateful to PianoMan for treating me as a woman who is able to take criticism, who is strong enough to handle the idea that she is imperfect and who makes demands on me to be a better person. It makes me have faith that this thing could have a future... and if that isn't something to make you smile on a weary Wednesday, I don't know what is.

Literary Inspirations: LM Montgomery on hair colour

"You'd find it easier to be bad than good if you had red hair," said Anne reproachfully. "People who haven't red hair don't know what trouble is."
- LM Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Okay, I'm outing us. Both PianoMan and I are closet gingas! Closeted, I hear you question... surely you are or you aren't? To look at us both in dull light, I'm clearly a brunette and PM a rather handsome ash blonde. Photos tend to tell the same story. We keep our red hair under a metaphoric hat (and sometimes real hats too).
Having dyed my hair and had blonde highlights for many years, I finally reverted to my natural hair colour at the beginning of last year as I couldn't afford the upkeep with a student income. What's struck me as the filler dye has grown out is how naturally chestnut I am. My brown has a definite red and coppery tinge to it, to the point where it's actually looked a deep red, similar to Sophia Bush below (unfortunately where the similarity ends)

When the light hits PM's hair right, you can see his copper highlights as well. However his dead giveaway is facial hair! That's right, when my man is sporting Sawyer-like stubble it is bright ginger! Total giveaway - beard, moustache and sideburns all red-orange. We also both have the nice pale skin that natural red heads tend to have. No summer-long sunbaking for us! We need to build up our sun exposure gradually otherwise we do the white-pink-white-pink tango all summer long.
This doesn't bode well for any future children we might have - they are most likely going to be little gingers and we can only cross fingers and hope that they don't get into trouble! Or teach them to become closet gingas like their parents LOL

Resuming your regularly scheduled programme...

With practicum out of the way, I'm hoping that things can get back to normal. It's a common blogger challenge, walking that fine line in between sharing about your life and actually living it. Living it this past weekend involved bed until noon and curling up on the couch watching movies but that's all an important part of life and touching base with PianoMan after a week apart.
On the other hand, it's important to me to maintain my online presence - this blog provides me with an outlet to share about both my life and my literary knowledge and I've made great friends through this community. I'm so much more calm and comfortable having a place where I can share without judgement - that opportunity not often available in real life.
In the end it's all about balance and that's what I need to look at. Do you like the regular features or would it be more preferable to just have my "life stories"? As much is a blog is a reflection of the reader, it should also reflect the needs and requirements of the audience. Feed back to me in the comments!

Scribbles is 1!

In the midst of the chaos that is my life currently, this wee blog is one year old. Thank you to all of you who read this blog on a regular or semi-regular basis - it's nice to know that I'm not writing into the abyss. It's been a great opportunity to make new friends, some of whom I've even been privileged enough to meet in person. If you've never commented before, leave a message below letting me who you are and where you come from and what you'd like to see more of on here. Regular schedule to resume next week!

P.S. Photo was my 21st birthday cake - love penguins and the party was star-themed so the cake maker had my little penguins holding 21 star balloons. Clever cake maker!

I want...

I want... more time to work on assignments. I have an assignment due at the end of next week and then two the week after. On days like today, I feel too mentally exhausted to spend a lot of time working on them but I can't wait until I finish practicum to start all three.

I want... to stay longer at my practice school. I'm really going to miss it when I'm gone. Even the little ratbag kids. It's all grown on me immensely.

I want... the sneaker fairy to leave me a new pair of Puma L.I.F.Ts, size 10. I've been reading reviews of these on the net and they seem fantastic... but I need to buy myself some new specs first.

I want... more time to spend with PianoMan. Time apart allows us to miss each other (which I guess is a good thing) but sometimes I feel like academia is getting in the way of my life... not getting to see friends as much either.

I want... to win Big Wednesday. $20 million dollars? Yes please :D Even a share in that would be lovely.

I want... to lose 5 kgs in the next month. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to do this (starving myself not an option = low blood sugar faints and no will power) but it will happen.

I want... regardless of what is going on (the things I can change, the things I can't) to maintain a feeling of peace and happiness always.

Bits and bobs...

All I really want to do tonight is watch trashy TV and have a snuggle (being a woman sucks sometimes *ahem*) but PianoMan and I are hauling ourselves away from the polarfleece blanket and the oil column heater to go and have pre-drinks with some friends before they head out to the clubs tonight - we're excusing ourselves on the latter part because we have a family lunch tomorrow.
But I really don't feel like clubbing tonight anyway.

I am really starting to feel the burn of the student lifestyle. Teaching as a profession is always more than the 9-3 that people sometimes make it out to be. As well as the reports and long-term planning required and taking kids for extra-curricular activities that isn't required by a student teacher, there are short-term planning concerns, resources to create and the inevitable marking which are required. I know that I can manage everything without completely burning out.
But I can't wait for next year when I only have one job, no study and a sole focus for my career intentions.

I got really awesome feedback from my visiting lecturer - he basically said that he feels I am at a level where I could begin to teach solo. Bumping into old-English-teacher/new-deputy-principal, he asked me if I was permanent staff yet, going on to say that I couldn't leave. Jokingly sharing it with one of my supervising teachers, she told me I still have to go back and I don't disagree.
But part of me thinks I'm ready - that I would learn the rest of what I needed on the job.

I'm trying to knuckle down and be really sensible about money - I need to replace my eyeglasses (and get an optometrist exam urgently - it has been 7 years since my last one), my sneakers and my computer and I've worked out a way that I can manage all that by the end of the year without getting into debt. There's a little bit of room for fun stuff, but not a lot.
A part of me just wishes I could go crazy with money without consequences. Being a grown-up sucks balls.

I spent the whole long weekend (bar one afternoon and the time I was in church on Sunday) with PianoMan and we had a ball. We both spent fairly significant amounts of money on things (him=sexy new glasses, me=sexy new phone) but this was probably the longest time that we'd spent together too. It felt right and I think that it could be a really positive sign for a future together.
No buts here, just smiles.

Sharing out the eggs...

As my time at my practice school comes to an end (with the semester following soon after), a lot of the students are asking me if I will come back next year to teach. As much as I would love to go back to that school as a teacher, its a school that is renowned for innovative approaches and staff support (especially within the English department) and therefore has a relatively low turnover. To boot, I am a beginning teacher and can therefore not work as heavy a class load as a fully registered teacher - if they have a fully registered teacher and myself applying for a vacancy, it's likely I would lose out.

There are two other schools that I would love to work at within a 20k radius of home - looking at both school's websites, reading their ERO reports (the official Ministry of Education discussions) and speaking to previous attendees of the schools... problem with those schools? They're also renowned as fairly awesome. I can't put all my eggs into one or even three baskets or I may see out 2009 without getting a job - and that would make me a sad panda.

So I've worked on a creating a tier system of schools - it currently stands at ten schools:

Tier 1 - Dream College(DC)

Tier 2 - Awesome Rural High (ARH), Awesome College Near Mall (ACNM)

Tier 3 - Fairly Awesome Rural High (FARH), Fairly Awesome High Near Water (FAHNW), Fairly Awesome Landlocked High (FALH)

Tier 4 - Strict Private College (SPC), College Nearest Home (CNH), Alma Mater (AM), Good College Bad Commute (GCBC)

My current thoughts are to send out expressions of interest to Tiers 1, 2 and 3 but keep my eyes open for advertised jobs at Tier 4 schools. It's a way of keeping my fingers in all the pies... the worst thing would be to leave all this too late and be scurrying for jobs that I don't really want. I'll be spending the next couple of weeks collating references etc together and polishing up my CV and crafting cover letters (as well as you know, plan and teach and work and study) - the early bird catches the worm!

Are you dividing your eggs between multiple baskets? Let me know in the comments!

Girly Blogger Meet-Up!

As some of you will know already, PianoMan and I are heading to Christchurch for our midyear holiday. Due to PM's work being tight on allowing annual leave - he's only been there since Feb, and under NZ labour laws is accruing leave but not specifically entitled to it - he's flying back to Auckland on the 5th, with me following a couple of days later.
So what is a lass to do when she is in a far-away city all by her lonesome? Call on some fellow lady bloggers to dine with her, that's what! On Monday 6th of July, Andrea, Bridey and myself will be heading out to dine - most likely at Eathai in Christchurch City. I feel so lucky to be getting the company of two such gorgeous and lovely literary ladies and want to extend the invite to any of my readers that may live in Christchurch (or know of any other awesome girlie bloggers that should attend.
Are you in? Let me know in the comments :D