Photo CreditI wish I was back in the garden that my grandma used to have, dangling my legs over the side of the pond bridge with no larger cares than what biscuits I was going to have at afternoon "smoko" before Poppa went out to milk the cows...
I wish it was New Years Eve the first time I was allowed to stay up until midnight - giving all the adults foot massages and having the smallest glass of bubbly to ring in the new year...
I wish I was sitting outside KFC, waiting for my love to come back and satisfy my cravings the first time I ever had the "munchies"...
I wish I was lying on a beach, hearing the waves crash, sleeping under the stars with a cute boy...
I wish I was having a soy mocha latte in a little pavement cafe anywhere in Paris - and if anyone could tell me how to order a soy mocha latte in French, I will love you forever!
I wish I was walking down the aisle sure that the man I was walking towards would be my love forever...
I wish I was opening the door of my own home with a baby in my arms, welcoming friends and family to a wonderful and entertaining party...
I think your twenties is such a peculiar time... part of me feels so old, the innocence of my childhood and the rebellion of my teens has been left far behind. Responsible me pays the bills, budgets her cash, plans for the future and works hard. Part of me feels incredibly young also, not hitting these milestones that my friends seem to be reaching- feeling like an imposter in a grown up world of mortgages, wedding registries and nipple guards. Yet it's not like I feel a huge urgency to join them - I still have my childish moments, like an arguement this morning with my sister in which I yelled out "Where on my forehead does it say 'B*tc#-slave???' (sis)". Confusion abounds, but it's not necessarily a bad thing that I straddle both worlds... it makes me a better 'auntie' to my nieces and I learn plenty from the mistakes of others. All dreams in time will come to me :)
Give: Home made muffins to my sweet friend CM... she's been such a shoulder to blurt on lately and a source of much joy.
You've just articulated my feelings about being in my 20s perfectly!
ReplyDeleteGood post. It's interesting that you mention feeling like an impostor.
ReplyDeleteOver 20-years ago, I saw Paul Newman in an interview say that he always had the feeling that someone was going to come through the crowd, take him by the arm and say, "It's over Newman. It's all been a mistake. You're coming back to paint houses."
When he said that, I immediately understood the feeling. Later I learned that he was describing the impostor syndrome. The Impostor Syndrome is the feeling that you are not as smart, talented, or skilled as people think you are. It's the feeling that you are a fake and have been getting away with something and are about to be found out. It affects 70% of adults and is especially prevalent in high achieving women.
I've spent the past two decades living with and learning about this common condition.
The Impostor Syndrome is a fascinating topic and the subject of my new book, "The Impostor Syndrome: How to Replace Self-Doubt with Self-Confidence and Train Your Brain for Success."
http://www.TheImpostorSyndrome.com