A week to go 'til Christmas

SB and I have no plans today and it feels marvellous. Knowing us, it's still a time to get things done (and get the house in apple-pie order - nothing sexier than a guy cleaning the oven, even if it is because he spilt pizza all over it last night!) but we can go at our own pace and be relaxed - and that's fantastic! The days ahead are busy with final preparations for Christmas, helping Mama Scribs prepare the house, spending time with my lovely french "sister" C and visiting wee J (clucky much?). And just because I don't like making things easy for myself, I'm changing up my lifestyle.

I've started a new medication for my PCOS and it has had some interesting side effects! PCOS sufferers often suffer from insulin resistance, making it harder for them to lose weight. I've plateaued with my weight loss and so in conjunction with my doctors, I made the decision to start taking a drug (Metformin), commonly used for diabetics. While it's a common prescription for PCOS women (if you are not on the pill, you're likely to be on Metformin and I'm on both), it's considered an off-label use; basically, we know it works but we aren't willing to do the official clinical trials required to put it on the label. Ergo, most of the information about side effects available is for diabetes patients! Luckily, an online PCOS forum made me realise I'm not alone in my side effect...

HOT FLUSHES

Yes, that's right, in adjusting my hormone levels, it's making me heat up like a menopausal woman. Interesting to say the least! I think that's the reason I had to take a nap before going out yesterday afternoon - running hot and cold all day during a humid Auckland afternoon is exhausting! Given that the side effects can be far more debilitating, I'll take that. Especially my PCOS sister seem to think that it is a temporary thing :)

So hopefully this kick-starts my weight loss even over Christmas, with all the delicious food. I can already notice a diminished appetite and zero cravings so that's gotta be a good thing! Will be squeezing myself into wedding dresses come January and it would be great to lose at least four kilos by then!

A weighty subject - the winds of change!

What a difference a year makes! We were up in the Bay of Islands for our summer vacation over the new year. I was sunburnt and I used that as an excuse for not feeling well but the reality was that my body (and this was nothing new to me) was just not coping with the strain of humidity and heat. Siestas or trips in the air-conditioned car were almost a necessity to get through the day. I didn't climb a hill at Cape Reinga because I thought it would be too hard and I was already loathing the walk back in the sun to our car. I look back now and I'm disappointed in myself that I had let things get to that point. In January of this year I had already lost five kilograms from my biggest size but I was still so limited, not only by by the weight but by my mind.

Now? Now I don't let much hold me back. I love going for a walk and am so glad to have a new buddy who can come for daytime walks with me. Even though I was completely inappropriately dressed, I walked 7 kms yesterday - because I wanted to. I'm not afraid to sweat and I certainly don't feel ill when I am hot. A further eleven kilos down,  I'm not yet at my goal but I feel healthy - it feels good. I'm looking forward to summer rather than loathing the heat and hope that, by kicking up the exercise over the next couple of months, I can enjoy the final months of 2012 Summer at a healthy, happy weight! Twenty-five kilos in a year and half - I can do it!

Loves and Loathes of September

Loves:

• Our engagement party is this weekend! Our lounge and dining area currently looks a little unkempt (and is likely to start looking more so) as I finish off the DIY part of our decorations. I'm glad I decided to outsource a couple of things - the reality is that it is sometimes better to pay someone else for their time than to try and do it yourself. Even with working two thirteen-hour days this week (less than will be usual) I've still managed to get in bed at a decent hour and avoid tears - yes, I am about nine years old inside!
• The beautiful sunny days we've had recently - hard to love this when the wind is literally blowing a gale but the fact that we've had a few lovely warm days must mean that proper spring is on it's way, right?
• That Liv Bambola has confirmed that she is coming to the wedding! This is something that friends of mine who aren't as web-connected really don't understand... Liv knows me better than a lot of the people I am friendly with in real life. She's been in my life for my change of careers, when I met the man of my dreams and when I realised that he was the man of my dreams. Along with others (you guys should know who you are!), you've experienced both the light and the dark sides of my life - not just my "public face". Through DM conversations on Twitter and Facebook love, you've become not just web friends but real friends. So as hard as it is to understand, there are some of my ladies whom, although we live oceans apart, I would love to be there for my special day. That's why I'm so excited that she has confirmed that she can come!
• Seeing a metal rooster in a garden store and thinking "Knock knock, motherf**ker" - hand up if you know what I'm talking about :)

Loathes:

• Finding out that yet another person dear to me is dealing with cancer... honestly, f**k cancer. I don't swear often on the net, but it totally applies. Stop ruining people's lives!
• Spring Mating Season as a teacher - proven fact, as the weather gets warmer, the student population suddenly gets a lot more coupley and the PDA gets a lot more full on. I wish I was joking... I'm really not. I'm considering getting a spray bottle - hey, if it works for domestic animals, should work on people, right?
• The plateau... I'm plateaued at around seventeen kilos down. I really need to lose another ten at least before would be happy but this is so frustrating. I'm getting to the point where I'm sabotaging myself to stay here - "If I'm not going to lose anything or gain anything then I may as well eat what I want". Yes, I'm aware that sentence makes absolutely no sense... it really makes me question what in me makes me think that way.
• Money - it's not that I loathe money itself (it definitely has good uses) nor am I loathing the lack thereof (I'm actually not too badly off at the moment). I guess I'm loathing having to think about it... loathing adjusting wedding budgets, loathing the thought of extra money and the sensible things I should do with it instead of blow it on fun stuff. Ha ha, maybe I'm just loathing being a grown-up :)

What are you loving and loathing this month, Scribblettes?

I'd rather eat like a horse than drink like a fish...

Tis the season to be busy!

In just over an hour I'm going to be heading out to my fourth event of the weekend - seems crazy but that's the run up to Christmas! I had a BBQ with my work girls on Friday night, dinner with my cousin and her partner last night followed by drinks and dancing with my "usual suspects" and today we are heading to the joint birthday party of SB's dad and cousin. Over the next few weeks we also have my school's Christmas function, my department's End-Of-Year function, a catch-up BBQ with my mates from my business degree (class of 2006, woop) and SB's work function. There's also talk of attending a foam party at our local bar and I'm sure a few more catch ups with various groups of friends before Christmas!

What does this mean for my new conscious consuming? It means taking into account the opportunity cost of what I eat and drink. Last night I could have had the option to eat a salad for dinner and then drink the sum total of my remaining points... or I could take advantage of the fact that we were at a restaurant that makes delicious food and decide to stay sober. Can you guess which one I chose?

Consuming two sugarfree energy drinks before heading out dancing gave me the boot up the bum I needed and I'm able to enjoy a day today in which I don't feel seedy at all... kind of important when hanging out with SB's extended family LOL. I love my food too much to trade it in for a few midori and lemonades and right now I can't do both. It's really strange to have this new consciousness about what I'm putting into my body... but it's kind of awesome :)

Would you rather eat like a horse or drink like a fish?

Too much on my plate...

Figuratively, not literally.

Not literally because I'm making a change. Emotional binge eating has been part of my history since my teens and my body shows the results of this. It's not as obvious as the scars of a cutter but just as sad. In recent months I've come to some realisations about the triggers for this behaviour and I'm finally in a place where I feel strong enough to change it. To help that and to lose the excess of weight I have put on I started WeightWatchers on Monday.

So far, so good. It's making me a much more conscious eater - paying more attention to serving sizes and nutritional information (ProPoints are based on protein, total fats, carbohydrates and dietary fibre) as well as recording everything that I eat. I can actually see myself being successful on this plan and that's half the battle! Another girl at work is on the same plan and I think it is inspiring others... we're sort of a secret society with all our points lingo and our little black points calculators :D

All this made very challenging by a time of super-stress about employment... I'm very proud of myself for making it through two days and managing to not snarf down a takeout meal or a massive amount of calories. Now if I could get this sleep thing under control I would be golden!

A weighty subject - Fraidy cat

Bad blogger... I started this blog feature because I wanted accountability for my weight loss.Then I had a month and a half that was absolutely crazy with moving house, celebrations and much more work than I had had expected. My exercise routine went out the window, I felt exhausted by the time I got home and was not doing the hour long Wii workouts that I had planned on - there was more unpacking to do. Focus on the exercise part of my weight loss journey went right out the window.I'd like to say that I kept a healthy diet during this period but that wouldn't be true. Being so busy often meant eating little and often while on the run. We definitely had our fair share of take out during this time and our alcohol consumption was fairly high as well - lots of parties, lots of booze, lots of empty calories. I could just imagine the awful affect that all of this was having on my weight. I wasn't feeling fatter but I should have been...I finally jumped on the scales to find out the horror. All I can say is that the weight fairies must have been smiling on me for once. I jumped on the scales.
Current weight: 106kg
Its a loss, but nowhere near the loss I had had hoped for to date. I felt a bit ashamed of the weight loss. I didn't want to post it. I don't like looking less than perfect.The lovely Alla asked me about it on Facebook and I came to the realisation that this is all part of the journey - being fallible. So this is me, saying that my effort so far has been appalling. Stand by for a bigger loss in the next month.
Scribblettes, should any of you want to join me in journalling your weight loss journey, feel free to use the badge on your blog or leave your comments below!

A weighty subject - January

My pseudonym is Scribbles and I weigh 107 kgs (that's around 236 pounds).

I'm not going to say that the weight disgusts me, that I never feel gorgeous or beautiful - that simply wouldn't be true. I dress well, I love that I have a curvy figure and I'm lucky to have a boyfriend that would cherish me at any size.

The one thing I cannot get away from is that 107kgs, even on a 5 foot 9 frame (or roughly 175cm) is not a healthy weight to be. I put myself at risk for obesity-related illnesses such as diabetes and I do my PCOS no favours by being this weight either. SB and I would like to have kids some day and my weight is definitely a barrier to this.

My goal this year is to get my weight down to 87kgs - 192 pounds - by December 20. That means a loss of 20 kgs over the year, which I feel is a realistic goal. Of course, if I lose more, I will be rapt! But this is my SMART goal (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, timely) and will be my driving force this year.

So, at the risk of fatty-boombastic jibes from the internet, this is the way I look now. No artful layering, no cleavage-showing tops or maxi-dresses to catch the eye... this is as close to naked as I am prepared to get on the interwebs.

I could make all sorts of excuses for the way that I look in these shots - I had a stomach bug over the weekend and I feel bloated, it's horrid lighting, it's terrible camera angles... the reality is this that the camera doesn't capture what isn't there.

So what am I doing about it? For the rest of January and the beginning of February:

• I'm on an alcohol detox, bar special occasions (this will be one of my bestie's hens nights, the 7th of Feb and on Valentines Day).
• I will Wii Fit or walk every day and will endeavour to do both whenever possible, adding up to a daily activity level of one hour.
• I love my salty fatty fried food but will keep consumption down to once a week, trying to eat as widely as possible and reducing my carb intake.
• Today and tomorrow, I will be following a largely fruit and vegetable diet to get my gut back to normal after this bug I have just had.

So as you can see, no huge changes... just a lot of little ones to keep me on the right track. Stay tuned for the next monthly update of "A weighty subject" and see how I do!

If anyone would like to join me on this voyage of honesty, and making 2010 the year that you do something about your weight, the year you become accountable for your health, let me know in the comments. Steal the badge at the top of this page and post your own blog! Know I'll be there for you 100%!