Anxiety

They say you can't get away from your problems but I think that I managed to do it, at least for a little while, in Wellington. Maybe the walking all day just left me so physically exhausted that I had no choice but to fall asleep at night... maybe it was the booze LOL. I slept solidly through each night - no longer the case now that we're at home.

At the doctor's yesterday, I had a check-up. I needed a new prescription of my BCP and I asked for some sleeping tablets. It's standard practice at my doctor's clinic to note down what is causing your insomnia (stops abuse and addiction of tablets, I assume) so I actually had to discuss what I'm anxious about. I thought that maybe it was mum's health concerns but what it actually boiled down to was a lack of control  that I have on my future.

It's two and a half weeks until my contract ends and we've made the decision that I won't be working (so that I can spend more time with my family over Christmas - we don't know how many Christmases we have left together) and running the numbers, we definitely can manage for a fair while on SB's income alone. Part of me is very apprehensive about relying on him to "take care" of everything. It's not that I think that he won't but I have been fiercely independent since, well, forever. It's hard for me to be dependent on other people but I'm guessing that's something that I have to learn.

My anxiety also stems from job uncertainty for 2012. I really want the opportunity to have a position with flexible hours and be able to be fulfilled in all areas of my life - that's why I started Bee Of Service. I just didn't expect to be put in the position where that is a serious reality next year. Changes in Ministry of Education funding have seen the bottom fall out of the secondary teaching market and it's entirely possible that I won't have a permanent teaching job next year. Kinda awesome, kinda sucks when we have a wedding to plan and pay for!

I need to get to a place of peace and serenity with my situation, a place where I am lowering these levels of anxiety to a healthy zone.  I need to trust that this situation is this way because it is meant to be, because there are lessons that I am meant to learn from this phase of life. I need to trust that it will work out because it always does. I fear that feeling that way is only going to come with time.

How do you destress and become less anxious, Scribblettes?

Do you wanna know?

I've got to that awkward point a lot of bloggers reach when they have been writing for a while (and in my case, three years!). A big change comes in your life and it's quite consuming - for me this is the wedding. For Kez, it is having a baby. All of a sudden, your "lifestyle blog" may seem more like a wedding blog or a mummy blog and that's not the reason that your readers started reading in the first place.

Getting married is such a huge change in my life. I sat down to write this blog this morning and realised that all the neat stuff I wanted to tell you all was wedding-related. To be honest, the rest of the week was a bit of a shitter! A lot of what I mull over in my spare time is either weight loss and exercise related (and I already blog on the Shrinking Violets blog about that) or wedding/marriage/Mr & Mrs Scribbles future related. Herein lies the dilemma.

I can talk about the other stuff but on a week like the one that's just been that is just depressing. My mum is having a hard time with getting colds on chemo, my only grandma has been in hospital and had several complications, I had to break up a fight between students on Thursday - not only was I deeply embarrassed at their behaviour but I pulled a muscle in my back. One might say I'm trying to avoid the negative... and I totally AM. I don't want to really talk or even think about all of that stuff.

The stuff I'm loving in my life is booking vendors, developing a vision for our wintery wedding and trying out crafty ideas. Designing a relatively unique wedding band to go with my engagement ring. Talking with SB about our future, the wedding, the honeymoon and beyond. I guess my question to you all is "Are you interested about hearing about all that stuff? Or should I be keeping it real?"

I'd love to hear from you.

Grown-up stuffs

Talking to some of my students the other day, I realised that no matter how old you are... some life changes seem more grown up than you feel. For my older students, it is the thought that a year from now, they will no longer be at school. A significant percentage of them will be in some form of tertiary education but it's not the same (as I'm sure that many of you can attest to). Some will be working. Although young, some will move out of home, get jobs and be financially responsible. Chronologically, they're definitely old enough - I moved out of home at seventeen - but it does scare the pants off some of them... that this change in life is very grown up and more grown up than they feel.

I don't think it ever changes. It seems odd (but awesome, don't get me wrong) to me that we're discussing wedding plans and registries and combined incomes - at 28 and 26 we're definitely old enough to be making these changes and we're some of the last of our friends to do so - but it's a big step. Other friends have similar big life changes - mortgages and babies for a start. As we look to our parents' generation, we can see that they are having to make the adjustment to being grandparents and they also don't feel "old" enough to be the grandparents (although they made their parents grandparents at a similar age).

They say that you are only as old as you feel... and for me, that age differs. My students don't remember apartheid or a time when the internet didn't exist, that makes me feel old! Get me on a dance floor on a Saturday night and I feel sixteen again. Licking the filling of a cupcake and the pleasure I get from that experience makes me feel about three! I'm so excited to be moving forward in the story of my life but this new chapter will take some time to not feel so grown up!

400th post!

Can you guess what the special news I promised is? Yes, SB liked and he put a ring on it! Last Saturday, to be precise. I'm kind of amazed, in this digital age, that we managed to keep it under wraps for so long! It was really important for us to be able to tell some of our most important people face to face; to our friends and family's credit, they seemed to take that to heart and contain their excitement. Who knows what would have happened if we'd asked them to wait another week? LOL.

More details to come soon :)

I will choose to love you...

Today at work we were talking about the difference between teen and adult relationships - our teens think that once the spark is gone, it's all over. They don't realise the difference between lust and love and they certainly don't understand the importance of your partner being your best friend.

With all this in mind, I was driving home and the Stan Walker song "Choose you" came on over the radio. It's certainly not the first time I've heard it (and if you are an Aussie or a Kiwi, I'm sure you've heard it multiple times too) but it was the first time the lyrics struck me... you find profound wisdom in the oddest moments.

Cuz when love starts out

It's all peachy

I love you, you love me seems easy

It's like a walk in the park

But sometimes it takes an act of my will

And a walk in a park turns to uphill

But I promise to give you my heart

Sometimes being in a relationship really is stars-in-your-eyes, roses and puppies carrying mint-chocolate. I know SB and I definitely have those moments. But we also sometimes have those moments that are crappy. We aren't huge fighters but it would be lying to pretend that we don't have moments in which... well... we're kind of jerks to each other. Like babies, when we're tired, hungry or cold, we get cranky.

I will choose to love you, yeahh

Even though I wanna stay mad

Even though I wanna get angry

Though it may be easier to walk away

I will choose to stay

I choose you, I choose you, yeahh

I choose youu

I choose you everyday

I choose you

This was the line that almost made me cry. This is what good relationships are. Waking up in the morning, rolling over and looking at your partner and going "I choose you. I choose to love you today". And choosing that same person to love every day, no matter what happens.

SB, I choose to love you today, tomorrow, always.

Thoughts?

New house love...

SB and I moved into our new house a week ago. While there were multiple hitches with the move (including being without phone for four days and internet for over a week), it's been amazing how quickly this little place has felt like home. There's definitely been some interesting moments - SB discovered how quick the little nut-like pods from a tree whoosh out the side of the mower. I came down with asthma and bronchitis so became very familiar with the view from our lounge. We've both discovered the limits of our wee kitchen but have managed to squeeze everything in.

I've been trying to figure out why this place feels more like home, so soon after we've moved in. I've come up with three reasons.

1. This is our second house together. Post first move we were still trying to figure out the jigsaw of living together FOR REALS. This time our routines are all sorted, we know what goes where and I'm more ready to relinquish the reins of getting everything sorted.

2. There's a school over our back fence and we're not next to a Housing New Zealand project. It's been nice on my sick days to look out over nice green sportsfields and see kids go mental on the playground. Having neighbours who own their properties mean that they are much more likely to be friendly to us. I was amazed to arrive home one day last week and have the next-door neighbours daughter yell "Hi" from the balcony.

3. We know our landlord, she trusts us and we pretty much have free reign over what we want to do with the place (within reason of course). It made the move in process so much easier!

Whatever the reason, we're really pleased with our little home. We're having a small dinner party this weekend and then a bigger bash in November (hopefully better weather) to warm our wee house but it's feeling pretty snug and cosy already!

The old and the new...

I don't think it's any secret on my blog how much some of my exes have f**ked me over. I'll never understand how someone can move on so quickly, even if they are the dumper. I'll never understand the idea of giving someone bullshit reasons for the split, even if your aim is for them to hate you so you can move on. I'll never understand the keeping your options open for later (FirstLove) and I'll never understand the ignoring as if you never existed (Ex-S). SB knows my past and although we can't really imagine a future without each other, I know he would let me down gently if this became the case.

Enter awkwardness... NZ clearly isn't that big of a country or the people I know don't move. Within the past year, I've met the current girlfriends of two guys I've been friendly with. At one party, SB and I were sitting at an outside table and introduced ourselves (as you do). This sweet girl pipes up with "I'm (name redacted), (another name redacted)'s girlfriend". SB, familiar with my limited dating history, looked at me and I looked at him. We said nothing and now the girlfriend of the only guy I've ever had a one night stand with has added me on Facebook. She's a sweetheart but I think my gap of saying anything has passed and that's just something I need to keep to myself from now on.

I've also developed some new friendships this year, one of which is with a girl whom we'll call A+. A+ reminds me of a 20-year-old version of myself - not conventionally cute but certainly attractive, funny, geeky and generally a great person to chat to. She usually comes to parties in our circle of friends with a guy we'll call A-. The hitch? A- is not her boyfriend. Ex-S is.

Yes, that is right. Completely unexpectedly I have become friends with Ex-S's current girlfriend. Both A+ and I know that it is completely bizarre but I've moved on so far from my relationship with Ex-S that she has no fear of me "wanting him back" and while I think she has appalling taste in men I'm willing to judge her on her personal merits LOL. While we've been friendly for a while now, what made this blogworthy is that on Saturday night, we hung out.

Scribbles, SB, Ex-S and A+. Standing on the lawn at a house party. SB officially introducing himself to Ex-S. A+ and I comparing that we had the same hat (she in pink, me in red). Noticing the similarities and the fact that A+ and I could be taken for sisters. Noticing the differences and the fact that SB stands tall and proud that he is with me. Noticing the feelings - my hope that while I still don't like Ex-S for how he treated me, I hope that this works for him; my wishes for A+'s sake that he treats her well because she doesn't deserve to be shattered; my admiration of SB for being the better man, the wonderful man and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with; the content in myself that, really, this is the way that it was all meant to pan out, that the pain has gone and that I wouldn't have it any other way.

Amazing the difference a couple of years make.

Waiheke - The good, the bad and the ugly

SB and I spent a weekend away in Waiheke for our anniversary. On the whole, we had an absolutely fantastic time and left the island feeling closer as a couple.

The Good:

Stoney Batter: This was amazing! A fortification built in WWII to defend New Zealand from possible pacific ocean attacks. The tunnels here are seriously extensive and completely dark - a torch is a must but you can hire them from the little museum outside. Entry is $8 and be smarter cookies than us and bring cash - we were lucky that the admissions person trusted us to pay our entry fee at the local service station upon our return to civilisation. You need a certain level of fitness - the tunnels are a 1.8km walk from the carpark over rolling terrain and there are steep flights of stairs and ladders to climb within the tunnel.
Saratoga Estate: SB loves Mexican food so we had lunch at this vineyard on the Saturday afternoon. The staff were very helpful, the bellhouse at the estate was an absolute stunner and the pricing for meals was not shabby at all, considering the size.
The Beachfront Bar & Cafe: deciding that we needed to escape from our room for dinner on Saturday night (more on that later), we wandered down to the beach at Onetangi. One look at the Pork Belly on special and I was sold. We had a great seat out on the corner of the deck - I think food always tastes better with a sea view :D
Island Thyme (Is.Thyme): They had a wee sign outside saying that they were the best coffee - I'm inclined to agree.
Wandering along the beach and sitting under a tree with SB: Enough said, really.

The Bad:

Waiheke Island Police and the Onetangi Beach Apartments: We knew things were a bit ominous when we started hearing a strong bass sound coming from one of the rooms late in the afternoon. A smoky barbeque sent us in search of some fresher air and some dinner for ourselves. We rested content in the disclaimer in the book that we could call reception after 10pm if noise continued. We returned from dinner to a quieter complex and snuggled in to watch a movie. Lo and behold, around 10:30 our dear neighbours returned and proceeded to start yelling at each other. Reception was called. Nothing changed. The fighting got worse. Thumping, screaming, crying like someone was having a psychotic episode. We called the police. So far as we know, no cops showed up to what sounded like a violent dispute. I ended up popping a sleeping tablet to get to sleep. Thanks, you stupid British twats, for completely ruining the mood on the night of our anniversary. We had the option of $15 off our bill or a voucher for one night stay - we took the voucher but I honestly don't know if I want to stay there again. I know it was a one off and the guests' fault rather than the owners' but we do not have good memories of that particular night - staring out the venetians in the kitchenette to make sure that SB's car was not being damaged is not sexy.
Stoneyridge Cafe: Stoneyridge is known for dance raves - not really SB's or my scene but we decided to have a nosey. The service was slow (which they tried to address by making our drinks on the house), the smell from the lillies on the tables too heavy and attracting bees (which I am allergic to) and the food nothing special as they had closed the kitchen for lunch mains literally as we walked through the door. A very poor second to Saratoga Estate vineyard lunch the day before.

The Ugly (or just plain bizarre):

Grown Man in Diaper: After a very early start and a 45-minute car ferry trip, first goal of the day was breakfast. Ordering our meal, one of the other patrons finishes and wanders out. Cap - check, t-shirt - check. Only instead of pants, he was wearing just an adult diaper. Talk about putting you off your bacon sammies.
Bee with a foot fetish: One of the bees at Stoneyridge would literally not leave me alone. I was wearing jandals and it would land on my toe and proceed to crawl under my foot (I have quite high arches. My feet had just been in sneakers for the big mission at Stoney Batter so I'm not under the illusion that they smelt like roses. I could not relax for the entire meal, was terrified I was going to be stung. Weird bee.
Naked boy on sharp rocks: I'm not going to be a nazi and say that little kids should always have to wear togs on the beach. I'd make sure mine did - NZ sun is harsh on young skin (and old skin too, I'm smothering myself with aloe vera). But if you are going to let your son go wild and free, I'd be steering him away from the extremely sharp rocks... unless you really wanted a daughter.

Definitely will head back and wander again on the soft, silky sands of Waiheke - it's less than an hour and a half away for us and you really feel like you get away from it all. It was definitely a weird weekend in some ways though - ah well, something to tell the grandchildren LOL.

On life at the moment...

Yay! Working more frequently as a relief teacher.

Nay! Having to complete what seems to be oodles and oodles of paperwork for each new school I start with.

Yay! Getting to see students that I taught last year and continuing to have great professional relationships with them, although it is about four months since I saw then last

Nay! Feeling lonely at break times. As a relief teacher, no one knows how long I am going to be around so I don't get to participate in any of the staff room cliques.

Yay! Moved in with SB this weekend and our house is amazing.

Nay! We have both been so on the go the last week that we're on the scratchy side... we're usually a lot nicer to each other than we have been at the moment.

Yay! The weather stayed fine for the move.

Nay! The weather is so hot at the moment, it really sucks the energy out of you and makes the students more objectionable also.

Other things to Yay! about:

An awesome Valentines Day that proves my darling knows me well, our parents meeting each other and getting along, SB's birthday on Monday and having the in-laws round for dinner (went successfully), emailing my resignation from my retail job, planning to visit the lantern festival on Friday, dinner and drinks this coming Saturday to quietly celebrate our joint birthday and my birthday next Monday!

And into fast forward we go...

You know how I posted about us finding a house? The realisation hit me this morning like a tonne of bricks - move in is a week away!! My poor parents' house is a mess of boxes at the moment as I frantically try and shove things into some semblance of order in the time I have available. I finally feel like I'm getting on top of it though - have kept one book out for reading material this week and all the rest are packed away :) It means that during the nights of next week I will only have the necessities to pack away. Good thing that, as my days are completely choca!

And in other news, I've gone from being underemployed to being a busy little bumble! No, haven't scored a full-time teaching gig but have been taken on by my old high school (as in, the one I attended as a student) as a relief teacher! I taught dance and health classes on Friday and will be covering English classes from Tues-Fri next week. They've been so helpful in getting all my paperwork sorted with the Ministry (that pays all the teachers - the schools don't pay directly) and the kids, while not loving having a relief teacher, are far from the terrors they could be. Most of all, I'm loving being back in the classroom - I had seriously missed it. It does make some of the teachers there laugh that I have a secret life still of selling bras and panties!

I'd love to have a full-time job and everything pan out absolutely normally but it wasn't to be... just shows that trying to achieve your dreams by changing tack can actually work. Scribblettes, has life ever taken an unexpected turn that worked out brilliantly? Have you found different ways to achieve your goals?

Hitting play!

After a month or so of feeling like my life has been stagnating, it finally feels like someone is pushing play. SB rung me this morning - I'd been emailing him saying that I was stuck in an internet survey and when I heard it was his voice, I thought he was going to tell me to stop being so silly and get my butt moving. Instead, he rung me to tell me that he had good news... extra good news in fact.

We have a place!

And the extra-good part about it is that it is getting painted before we move in. It's not the flashiest house, nor in the flashiest area... but it is pretty damn perfect. Three bedrooms (master, spare and what will probably become the office), an ensuite bathroom as well as a regular one - two toilets, two showers, a nice open-plan kitchen/dining/lounge area and a sliding door that opens out onto a fantastic deck. The yard needs quite a bit of work (we'll do something relatively cheap and low-maintenance seeing we don't own the place) but we got our own little bit of paradise for a price we can afford.

We can do things the way we want - having house guests, throwing parties, putting things just the way we like them. The only people we have to please are each other. And that makes us feel so excited it is like we've won a prize! Now if this is the start if everything else getting on track, hit play again maestro!

A change of address... temporarily?

As those of you who follow me on Twitter will have gathered, Mama Scribs has a cancerous lymph node. We originally thought that she would only have to have radiation (like a bad sunburn) but this is not possible (for more info as to why, see here). Instead she gets to go through chemo (like the worst food poisoning ever) which has not been a good experience for her at all. She was constantly prone to infections and ended up in the hospital multiple times during chemo due to her immune system having an EPIC fail.

How on earth does this link with a change of address? I'm working over the summer in a mall and hopefully starting a teaching job at the end of January at a high school. There's one thing that both these places have in common... loads of people. And where there are loads of people? Loads of germs. Scribbles waltzes into the house absolutely knackered, grabs a glass out of the cupboard, turns on the tap, fills the glass and wanders off. Mama Scribbles comes in, turns on tap... ba-bow. It seems ridiculous but compromising someone who has no immune system is that easy. Easiest solution? Scribs needs to get the heck out of Dodge (whatever that means).

Seeing I spend a significant amount of time there already, the easiest solution seems to be to move in with SB (plus he wants me there!). Part of me is really nervous about it - what if seeing me those extra couple of times a week drives him crazy? LOL. The saner part of my mind knows that it's just what we had planned to do next year, a little earlier. I can look at it as an opportunity to make sure we can do this, without the financial commitment of finding a flat together: we don't know that we want to stay living on his parents' property next year and might take it as an opportunity to "try-before-we-buy" in a different town.

So as well as assignments and career thoughts occupying my head, I'm already starting to plan a list of what I will move - big furniture will stay with the parental Scribbles for now. Within the month, Scribbles will be becoming a country girl (a handy ten minute drive from town LOL) and a live-in-girlfriend. Follow me on the journey!

Busy week, with a chance of stunnage...

This past week has been insane and the next week is looking to be just as crazy. In my absence from the blogosphere, I have been:

• completing Week 1 of my last two weeks on placement at a school. That has drawn to a close so quickly, I am almost dumbfounded by the realisation that a week from now, I'll be preparing to go back to the campus with the grown-up people :)
• rejected by the first school I did placement with for a position they had available next year. I have to admit that stings - the negative side of me is going "Wow, they saw you teach and they think you suck". I'm trying to positively reframe their decision in the light that it wasn't meant to be, I'm obviously meant to plant my roots elsewhere and flourish.
• Pink Star Walking for Breast Cancer. It was a fantastic night, raising lots of money for Breast Cancer research. SB, Papa Scribbles and Uncle G all got into the pink spirit by wearing shirts that Mama Scribbles had painted with large pink ribbons. There's just something kinda special about walking along in a sea of people all dressed in the same colour.
• arguing a bit more with SB. We've been miscommunicating this week and it has been a refreshing reminder to both of us that we need to be more clear about what we are wanting. It's also good to see that we can argue, put it aside and still love each other deeply.
• making holiday plans - SB and I have made plans to go away at the start of December and I cannot wait.We're tossing up between two (domestic) destinations and either of them will make me cheer with glee!
• having a Friday where I had to explain to different groups of students the origin of the word menstruation and the definitions of bisexual, transexual and hermaphrodite. In English and Drama classes no less. Who said that being a teacher was boring?

In the week to come, there's plenty to look forward to and also to bite my nails about. I have a preliminary interview (a meet-and-greet tour at one of the schools I've applied to teach at), an interview for a summer job, senior speeches to assess, ends to be tied off with placement duties, assignment work to try and squeeze in around the edges and drinkies with the girls on Saturday night. I'll try and keep the blog as updated as possible, but follow me on Twitter for daily updates.

What were the highlights of your week, Scribblettes?

Money Money Money...

... must be funny, in a rich man's world.

I am a compulsive planner, as some of you may know (it's not exactly a secret :D) and I struggle when I come up against a wall where I can plan no further. Having looked up the ERO reports for all the high schools in the error, selected which schools I am keen to work with and having prepared CVs and subscriptions to job sites... it's now just a waiting game until those jobs become advertised. I can't stress about my registration yet - we can't apply for it until November - so my mind has turned even further ahead.

My student allowance runs out at the middle of November, leaving me to subsist purely on my work wages (which, btw, is not a lot). My work contract expires just prior to Christmas. I'm not likely to get paid from whatever teaching job I find until the second week of February. I had a mild-to-moderate panic about this last night... at least a month (and probably closer to two) with no income at all.

SB is being lovely and volunteering to help me with my bills. My parents will help out too. But part of me feels pathetic that at 24, I can't do this alone. Saving to cover the period I have off is a nice idea in theory, but I don't have enough left over at the end of the week at the moment to make a significant difference. I'd like to find a secondary job, but I need to know my end dates (i.e. when I start teaching) before I accept any work.

What it boils down to is that I need to find a teaching job for next year and then work backwards, hopefully finding some employment that can work in with that. I need to suck things up and accept the help of my parents, telling myself that this will be the last time I ever need their assistance. I need to appreciate SB's offer and let him help where he can. Most of all, I just need to focus on the here and now... let the other pieces fall into place as it comes.

Still, if anyone knows of any summer jobs...

Resuming your regularly scheduled programme...

With practicum out of the way, I'm hoping that things can get back to normal. It's a common blogger challenge, walking that fine line in between sharing about your life and actually living it. Living it this past weekend involved bed until noon and curling up on the couch watching movies but that's all an important part of life and touching base with PianoMan after a week apart.
On the other hand, it's important to me to maintain my online presence - this blog provides me with an outlet to share about both my life and my literary knowledge and I've made great friends through this community. I'm so much more calm and comfortable having a place where I can share without judgement - that opportunity not often available in real life.
In the end it's all about balance and that's what I need to look at. Do you like the regular features or would it be more preferable to just have my "life stories"? As much is a blog is a reflection of the reader, it should also reflect the needs and requirements of the audience. Feed back to me in the comments!

Bits and bobs...

All I really want to do tonight is watch trashy TV and have a snuggle (being a woman sucks sometimes *ahem*) but PianoMan and I are hauling ourselves away from the polarfleece blanket and the oil column heater to go and have pre-drinks with some friends before they head out to the clubs tonight - we're excusing ourselves on the latter part because we have a family lunch tomorrow.
But I really don't feel like clubbing tonight anyway.

I am really starting to feel the burn of the student lifestyle. Teaching as a profession is always more than the 9-3 that people sometimes make it out to be. As well as the reports and long-term planning required and taking kids for extra-curricular activities that isn't required by a student teacher, there are short-term planning concerns, resources to create and the inevitable marking which are required. I know that I can manage everything without completely burning out.
But I can't wait for next year when I only have one job, no study and a sole focus for my career intentions.

I got really awesome feedback from my visiting lecturer - he basically said that he feels I am at a level where I could begin to teach solo. Bumping into old-English-teacher/new-deputy-principal, he asked me if I was permanent staff yet, going on to say that I couldn't leave. Jokingly sharing it with one of my supervising teachers, she told me I still have to go back and I don't disagree.
But part of me thinks I'm ready - that I would learn the rest of what I needed on the job.

I'm trying to knuckle down and be really sensible about money - I need to replace my eyeglasses (and get an optometrist exam urgently - it has been 7 years since my last one), my sneakers and my computer and I've worked out a way that I can manage all that by the end of the year without getting into debt. There's a little bit of room for fun stuff, but not a lot.
A part of me just wishes I could go crazy with money without consequences. Being a grown-up sucks balls.

I spent the whole long weekend (bar one afternoon and the time I was in church on Sunday) with PianoMan and we had a ball. We both spent fairly significant amounts of money on things (him=sexy new glasses, me=sexy new phone) but this was probably the longest time that we'd spent together too. It felt right and I think that it could be a really positive sign for a future together.
No buts here, just smiles.

So cold...

Whenever I see that typed (... so cold...) it always makes me think of death scenes in movies. I always wonder whether it is a realistic depiction or a huge cliche. I'm not eager to be involved in a traumatic death to find out though!

It is freezing here in little Aotearoa (NZ) at the moment. It's the first proper cold snap of winter and boy, is it doing a good job of it! Thursday and Friday last week were horrific for having ice build-up on my windscreen - ended up running in and out of PianoMan's kitchen with water to help melt it. Friday's ice decided to freeze in two layers so it took even longer to defrost. There's a real chill to the air during the day and nights are freezing - you don't want to spend too much extra on electricity to warm the house (especially when PianoMan is paying the bills for his house, but keeping it warm for me) but at the same time you have to think about your health.

We were able to enjoy the warmth of a fireplace on Friday - I finally met PianoMan's parents this weekend; he also met mine. Everything went well and we have a mutual appreciation society going on LOL. It was just so warm with crumble and tea and fireplace, dessert turned into three hours! We also had brunch at PM's aunt's cafe - the way to my heart is truly through pancakes with bacon, baked banana and maple syrup!

I didn't get through as much of my planning as I had hoped though, so I better get cracka-lacking on that! Hope you all had a good weekend! Are you keeping warm? How are you managing that? Let me know in the comments!

Back in some semblance...

My general view of the world Monday morning. I had a cough over the weekend but PianoMan was far sicker than I was and I just wrote it off... until I tried to work on my assignment Sunday afternoon. In the words of Scooby-Doo - "ruh-roh!"

Not a huge amount of memories of Monday... PianoMan returned the favour and hauled my decrepit carcass to the GP. Bless his little (also ill) cotton socks, he returned me to the car and got my prescription filled, bought my groceries and was generally a superhuman. He's soooo a keeper - especially when he still wants to kiss me after my description of my cat-like vomiting (you know how they get all shaky and convulsive... LOL TMI!). Diagnosis is virus + chest infection with the added bonus of cold-related asthma. Yes, asthma... which I may have had when I was about nine... what is it with me getting childhood illnesses this year?

Anyway, this has put a significant dent in my life. I've had to get extensions for two of my assignments, cancel the planning meetings I had with the teachers at my practice school this week, take leave from work and miss an entire week of university. I've missed almost a week's worth of blog posting - thanks guys, for sticking around anyway - and PianoMan and I had to cancel our plans to celebrate two months of being in each others' lives... no fancy restaurants for us, just keeping warm on the couch. We did have a good time anyway - eating a fantastic "pity meal" made for us by PMs mum and exchanging gifts - comedy tickets for him, feijoa cake for her (Lord knows, I love me some feijoa).

I'll be making every effort to get back on track with everything - including this blog - in the next week or so. Hope that you Scribblettes are in good health - keep up the fluids!

Quiet Day...

Usually Friday updates don't come until later in the day as I have a morning class... today, I am not there. Yesterday and today I have had a scratchy throat and I can quite frankly do without the glares from fellow classmates that think I have the swine flu.

The furore over the swine flu is bugging me. In one of my previous incarnations I worked as a medical receptionist and learnt quite a lot about infectious diseases. You want a freaky scary disease - try malaria... try yellow fever... try rabies, for goodness sake. Yes, people are dying of swine flu but people also die of ordinary flu all the time. The very young, the very old and the infirm are always the first to go... it sounds harsh but it's true.

On the bright side of the coin, which is the side I wish to dwell on, PianoMan and I have booked our flights and accomodation for our Christchurch holiday - we're so excited. It would have been great to go to Sydney but we wouldn't want to shorten our holiday to work in with his work's current leave conditions. We're going to be typical tourists - we plan on going on the Christchurch Gondola, a tram tour, punting on the Avon River and the boy is really keen to go to Akaroa (as am I, I felt like I didn't get to enjoy it as much as summer with the perishing heat). It feels exciting to be planning our first couple holiday - I know it's early but I can't think of anyone I'd rather go on holiday with.

Better go and rest and keep my fluids up... may you stay cold and flu free my Scribblettes.

Being in "luff"...

PianoMan and I were chatting, as we usually do, about life, the universe and everything. The subject of love came up and how neither of us believe in love at first sight. We both believe in true and lasting love and think that that isnt something that can just come out of nothing - that it grows and builds as your relationship strengthens.

We also know that we liked each other right off the bat - from the emails we first exchanged on Facebook and the night that I watched DVDs, I knew this guy was special. From my sexy top on our first date and the wine I chose on our second, he had an inkling I was wonderful too. Our feelings are growing for each other all the time and I can definitely see myself falling deeply in love with him... but it's only been one and a half months. I feel more for him than just like but I don't want to rush into saying "love" until I'm sure - so what does that leave?

Luff! It's what we came up with :D Luff is pretty close to love but ... not quite. Luff is that yummy in-between stage where you are still getting to know each other and their quirks. Luff is when you are still starry-eyed - Love is when you see the person for who they truly are and love them anyway. Some relationships never make it past the Luff, others have only a short Luff time before that melds into love. For me, I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone that I didn't Luff; with PianoMan I hope that Love is the next step.

Are you in Luff? In Love? Do you think that the Luff stage exists or that me and PM are just crazy philosophers (that's a totally valid comment too!). Let me know in the comments!