Literary Inspiration: Once more unto the breach, dear friends

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height.

- William Shakespeare, HENRY V

It makes me laugh how much this inspiring speech from Shakespeare can be seen in the faces and the comments of my colleagues in the last week of our programme. For some of the students, today's presentations (for meeting the graduating teacher standards) were the last assessment. For others (like myself), there's just a presentaton in our curriculum speciality classes and an assignment to hand in this final week. It's funny how at this point in the year it's just a presentation, just an assignment... the things that would have had us quaking in our boots earlier this year are just another foe to slay as we forge our way across the battlefield to that finish line. I can't see any reason why I wouldn't pass any of my assignments so that means that as of Friday, I will be FREE!

It's odd, it's almost like my mind can't comprehend it. I've had holidays this year, but always had readings or assignments to start, planning to complete... at the moment I don't even have a job for next year so as of next week, my only responsibilities will be making sure I get to work at the appropriate time and just generally being awesome (that's what I call collective responsibilites to SB, family and friends)... considering everything that has been weighing on me this year, it seems like surprisingly little.

Of course, a girl has to celebrate these milestones. And while I would love to have a teaching position lined up (for next year) to celebrate also, finishing my Grad Diploma is no less a marathon effort for lack of position so far. Friday evening will find me out at dinner with SB and friends, tucking into a hearty meal and dashing back a few cocktails to celebrate my freedom (and to remind me that I no longer need to set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide, hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit to his full height!)

Any milestones you are celebrating, Scribblettes?

Busy week, with a chance of stunnage...

This past week has been insane and the next week is looking to be just as crazy. In my absence from the blogosphere, I have been:

• completing Week 1 of my last two weeks on placement at a school. That has drawn to a close so quickly, I am almost dumbfounded by the realisation that a week from now, I'll be preparing to go back to the campus with the grown-up people :)
• rejected by the first school I did placement with for a position they had available next year. I have to admit that stings - the negative side of me is going "Wow, they saw you teach and they think you suck". I'm trying to positively reframe their decision in the light that it wasn't meant to be, I'm obviously meant to plant my roots elsewhere and flourish.
• Pink Star Walking for Breast Cancer. It was a fantastic night, raising lots of money for Breast Cancer research. SB, Papa Scribbles and Uncle G all got into the pink spirit by wearing shirts that Mama Scribbles had painted with large pink ribbons. There's just something kinda special about walking along in a sea of people all dressed in the same colour.
• arguing a bit more with SB. We've been miscommunicating this week and it has been a refreshing reminder to both of us that we need to be more clear about what we are wanting. It's also good to see that we can argue, put it aside and still love each other deeply.
• making holiday plans - SB and I have made plans to go away at the start of December and I cannot wait.We're tossing up between two (domestic) destinations and either of them will make me cheer with glee!
• having a Friday where I had to explain to different groups of students the origin of the word menstruation and the definitions of bisexual, transexual and hermaphrodite. In English and Drama classes no less. Who said that being a teacher was boring?

In the week to come, there's plenty to look forward to and also to bite my nails about. I have a preliminary interview (a meet-and-greet tour at one of the schools I've applied to teach at), an interview for a summer job, senior speeches to assess, ends to be tied off with placement duties, assignment work to try and squeeze in around the edges and drinkies with the girls on Saturday night. I'll try and keep the blog as updated as possible, but follow me on Twitter for daily updates.

What were the highlights of your week, Scribblettes?

Swimming against the flow...

It's the last week of term. For those of you unfamiliar with the New Zealand schooling system, we have four school terms of around ten weeks each, two week breaks in between each term except for our summer holiday which extends from mid-December until the beginning of February. In three teaching days, school wraps up for the third term and teachers get a holiday... well at least from the actual teaching, not necessarily the paperwork and planning. I'm hearing a lot of murmurs from fellow teachers this week about how they are weary and tired and... I'm not?

Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to a break! Don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, I have assignments to get on with, my hair is desperate need of a cut and I try to hide my manky chipped toenail polish from SB when I can. I wonder whether something has clicked for me this week... is it just that I am feeling more well or is it more that I have found my groove? Is it that I have got to the point when I know that I have planned all I can and that what we are going to get through this week relies on the students, not on me. Have I just relaxed about it more, have the kids picked up on that, is that making me a more effective teacher?

Whatever it is, I love the feeling I have right now... more please! Have any of you experienced some unexpected bliss lately? Let me know in the comments!

Careers Week...

"Just when you think you're in control,
just when you think you've got a hold,
just when you get on a roll,
Oh here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.
Oh, here it goes again"

-OK Go lyrics

Just when I think I have a grip on the semester and my classes comes a week of completely different lectures, expos and interviews - the enigma that is Career week. It's sometimes easy to lose sight that there are goals at the end of all this paperwork and study... this week makes it real. We had an insightful panel of principals in a lecture this morning - those from lower decile (socio-economic areas) schools seemed to be filled with more enthusiasm and passion then those from other schools... then again, maybe they just needed some more caffeine. My personal caffeine consumption is at an all-time high at the moment... it's ridiculous. Right now, I'm sitting at my computer desk at work thinking "Damn, I could go for an energy drink right now" LOL. Today's lectures also included a presentation by the New Zealand Teachers' Council - the process of registration still seems overly complex to me but I'm hoping that kind school colleagues will be able to assist me on my next practicum. It may also not have helped my concentration levels that the lecture theatre was absolutely packed to the gills, I was sitting in a stairway and my back was starting to throb like crazy.

Tomorrow is a morning of interesting lectures (unions and first year teachers) but what looks to be really interesting is the interviews with principals tomorrow afternoon and again on Thursday. I'm lucky that four of my top six schools are sending their principal delegates so I will have the opportunity to get my face (and CV!) out there. It finally feels like I am making real progress career-wise... one could say I can see the light at the end of what has sometimes seemed a cold, dark, dank tunnel :D

One of the best things about this week though, has to be that I get both Wednesday and Friday off... I know it must sound incredibly lazy but it's so nice to have the break between the absolute wreck that we all were trying to complete our assignments last week (I'm talking crying, puking or in my case growling-excons-at-the-service-station stressballs) and starting in our practicum schools which brings its own joys. I plan to use my free days to complete my reading log (due October), get a facial, have lunch with SB and to cook some ginger slice at his request. And laze, glorious laze about watching appalling daytime television and relish in the fact that I don't HAVE to do anything. Hooray!

What about you, Scribblettes? Handling the curveballs life is throwing your way? Life progressing nicely? And don't forget to leave me a comment on this post asking me those questions you've always been curious about but haven't known how to ask!

Selling Yourself...

I've spent the best part of the evening (at work, shhhh don't tell) creating a C.V. for use in application for teaching jobs. What surprised me as a former marketer is how difficult I found it to create a "press release" of my teaching strengths - apparently it's easier for me to be effusive about a organic pop-tart than it is to be about myself.

I had to look back at reports that my associate teachers had given me on practicum to kick-start my ideas. What they said was true - I am a caring person that establishes relationships with my students. I learn all their names and pronounce them correctly. I have a broad general knowledge which helps me engage students better with the topic - I can usually think of an aspect that suits the student's personality and interest.

Perhaps it is easier to see our positives if we look through others' eyes. SB and I were talking about the nicest thing that someone had ever done for us and he told me that it would have been one of the things I had done for him but he was having trouble choosing which one... I guess that age-old adage is true "To the world you may only be one person, but to one person you may be the world"

Your thoughts?

I don't like it when I suck at things...

Today was my first solo opportunity to teach a class. I went in really psyched, thinking I had awesome activities organised for the kids and that they'd be really engaged and into it.

*Insert depressing buzzer sound here*

Wrong. Some of the kids got really into it and followed through on what I wanted done. Some of the kids got really into the second activity - to the point that we were probably disrupting other classes. But there were boys kicking each other, girls opting out and the whole time I had a feeling that I was cocking things up. When I dismissed the class, quite frankly I felt relieved. I finished doing the roll on the computer system, locked the door and walked to the main staff room (where I knew I wasn't likely to see any of my associates ) feeling like I wanted to cry.

I was sitting in the staffroom texting PianoMan when the teacher of our independent learning centre started chatting to me. She ended up giving me this big pep talk and telling me to embrace the feedback that I get, even if it isn't positive (which I knew it wouldn't be). After a strong cup of black tea with sugar, I went back to my associate teacher for my feedback. It wasn't all negative, but as I knew there were vast areas for improvement. We altered my plan slightly for when I teach the class again on Thursday and I'm just praying it goes well then.

What I realised from this is that I don't cope well with failure... I always have ideals for things and then when it turns to shit I freak right the fuck out. I need to accept that I'm not always going to be perfect right off the bat at something just because it is something I want to be good at. Wanting to run before I can walk is not an option here and I'm just going to have to give it 110% effort if I want it to work out.

Now if only I didn't feel so burnt out...

Friday Round-Up

• As those of you who follow me on Twitter will know, I got a little spendy yesterday... to the tune of almost $200 NZ. Some of it was necessary (how I expected to get through winter with two pairs of pants is beyond me), some of it was for the endeavour of making other people smile (some leggings for an eighties party I'm going to, craft supplies for a surprise for PianoMan) and some of it was purely for my own selfish ends (those purple toenails you see in the base of the picture and the Bras and Things bag :D). It felt really good to do that as I've been keeping a tight rein on finances because I thought I was going to Sydney in July.
• Thought I was going to Sydney in July? Whatever do I mean? PianoMan's work has cracked down on annual leave, with the end result being that he won't be able to go on any extended annual leave until Feb 2010. I KNOW. I know that some of you have encouraged me to go to Sydney on my own but I feel like we've done so much of the detailed planning for this trip together that it would be weird to go on our holiday with just me. Instead, we're heading down to Christchurch for a romantic long weekend around the same time and postponing any long holiday plans until next year. Gives me a chance to upgrade my dinosaur... I mean, laptop... and cellphone, both which are pretty necessary.
• I'm finding this unit outline planning assignment a real challenge, plus the teacher seems to think we won't be spending any time on it in class before we hand it in. I think that the teacher is sorely mistaken about this... my classmates and I already have lists upon lists of questions. I'm starting to feel like I can't wait until this year is over and I can actually go teach instead of do these things in class. I learnt more in two weeks of actually being in a school than I did in the first month of training college.
• Mum's surgery went really well. She's in surprisingly little pain - more so when she gets up and moves around but that's also important for her to do and this is the reason that man invented serious pain-killers LOL. The hospital she is in is sooo plush and I think she's going to be a little devastated to come home to the non-gourmet meal provider, sky TV-less convalescent home that is the Scribbles abode. Fingers crossed for appointment next Tuesday when we get the results of the pathology report!
• I received an email yesterday from one of the authors I had reviewed! It made my day... just one of those moments that make you realise that you really aren't writing into a void.

Right, off to get this house in tip top shape and then go play dutiful daughter at the hospital and take Mama Scribbles for her amble around the gardens. Looking forward to a bliss night with PianoMan - we're making our own pizzas then relaxing with some glasses of wine and a spa. Perfect end to the week!

Putting up with it...

As some of you who follow me on Twitter may know, this week I both worked at my practice school and at my evening job two evenings of this week - this meant I left home at 8am in the morning and got home at half past nine at night. I was over it by ohhh, about two hours into my evening shift on Monday :D

Texting PianoMan, I said I felt really over my job that night and that I wasn't really sure why - usually I love my evening job. He replied that part of it was probably that I'd already worked an entire day and that I was just out of concentration... and I think that's probably true. Teaching is a mentally taxing job. It also freaks me out, just a little, that I have twelve weeks (spread out throughout the rest of the year) of prac and work to go. I also wondered whether part of it is that I've really loved my time at my practice school - the experience has been a real confirmation that I made the right decision to go back to study, that teaching is what I'm meant to be doing with my life. Now a job that doesn't give me the same buzz doesn't quite measure up. I don't intend on giving up this job until January 2010 so I'm hoping I get that loving feeling back.

What it really all boils down to is putting up with it. I'm a firm believer that you can get through almost anything if you know that it is for a finite time. I know that there's only twelve more weeks of the year in which I need to teach and work evenings (and I may take two of those weeks off if I can find cover) and I know that there's only eight more months of work before I'm a beginning teacher (a thought that both excites and terrifies me LOL). There are people I know that are putting up with living oceans away from their partners, that are putting up with living spaces they don't love, that are putting up with all sorts of situations that don't gel with that image they have for their life. It's a heck of a lot easier to put up with it when you know that it's only for a limited amount of time. It's the uncertainty that's harder...

So shoot it back to me, Scribblettes... on this holiday weekend, are there things that you are "putting up with"? Or is uncertainty about the future killing your regular buzz?

Cognitive overload... implosion imminent!

One of the few things I learnt in the introductory weeks of my teaching diploma was about cognitive overload - with children and informative teaching, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing! The downside of learning about this is that I now have a new word to describe how I am feeling at the end of my first week of practicum!

One wonders why after a week mainly sitting on my bum, watching teachers interact with their classes, I am soooooooo tired. Like continually rubbing my eyes while typing this blog post tired. Like my body feels completely heavy tired - it's not even a mental tiredness, it's a physical body ache. It is my body screaming out for rest, if not sleep, like a junkie looking for another fix. I'm happy that the boy has a boys' night tonight so I don't feel bad for spending an evening staring into blank space.

I'm not alone; loads of my colleagues are feeling the same way - the teachers at my practice school are all exhausted as well. We're all at the point of absolute overload... and eying those Easter holidays. It's funny, when you're young you know that these holidays have a religious aspects but you are all about the chocolate... when you're older, you know these holidays have a religious aspect but you're really excited about the break.

Any of my Scribblettes also suffering from tiredness, achey body syndrome or absolute cognitive overload?

I survived!!!

Today was my first day of practice teaching at a high school - and I loved it!!!! Of course, there is a big difference between observing and teaching and there will probably be some days that I think that life is being a complete nightmare but here are a few things that I've loved today:

♥ The fact that the school doesn't have bells - it doesn't have anything to signal the end of the period so you avoid that whole "OMG the bells run we have to leave class right now mentality" - the teacher has much more control. It does have an innovative way to signal to the student to get to class; a piece of music starts playing through speakers all over the school and students should be endeavouring to get to class by the time the music finishes (about five minutes). Way more pleasant!
♥ Instead of 5/6 usual length periods, the school runs three 100-minute classes. Slightly less effort than a double period, it's actually more effective with students. It stops them dicking around in between classes and allows for you to do more intense and interesting exercises with them.
♥ The teachers there have been so nice - I arrived to a fully organised time table with a variety of different teachers, age levels and abilities... I even have to assist with doing lunch duty on our whanau day (Friday). Dorky thing to be excited about, I know!
♥ Whanau groups - sort of like school houses (if you are from overseas and have no idea what I'm talking about... I can't help you) but they permeate even more through the school. Whanau is Maori for family and these whanau groups act as home rooms, senior mentors, core curriculum classes for those students who aren't streamed into higher achieving classes...
♥ Diaries - I swear, these are like little student passports. It's fantastic. They're used for records, for goal setting, for passes out of class and for what they call commendations - showing the qualities that are outlined as befitting a student of the school. This gains them both points for the house and personal letters of achievement in the areas of good character.

Ack there's so much more, but I'd be here all night. Still feel like there's so much to soak in. I really enjoyed my first day and here's to an equally good Day 2. And a professional development meeting of playing beach volleyball.

Literary Inspirations - George Orwell on Children

Never have ideas about children, and never have ideas for them

-George Orwell

Sage words to keep in mind, as either a parent or a teacher. I start my practicum next week at the school I hope to be teaching at next year and at the moment my mind is just overwhelmed with different ideas and theories and information. The moment I step in front of a class, none of that is going to matter. It will be me, it will be them and we'll work together to learn regardless of Piaget's theories. I'm thrilled and really nervous at the same time, but this is the culmination of why I went back to study in the first place.

Holey Moley...

The first day of anything is always an eye opener.

It starts with your first day at kindy, first day of the school year, first day at a job...

Today was the first day of my one-year intensive teaching diploma.

Yikes.

Concepts seem to turn real and at the same time become somewhat overwhelming - in four weeks, we will be observing in a school. In only 6 weeks of class time, we will be starting to teach classes (albeit fairly unsuccessfully to start with). In the second semester of this year I will be teaching classes ALL on my own. And less than a year from now I will have my OWN classes - I will be a fully fledged teacher. I knew all of this before I started the course, don't get me wrong. But looking at our full-on assessment schedules and hearing about lesson plans and thematic unit structures and mapping out (on the first day) the books I will be reading as my Young Adult reading log (a pass/fail requirement for the semester) makes it so much more real.

I'm really excited to be finally doing the study that will allow me to follow my dreams but, at the same time, feeling really overwhelmed. It isn't the first time I've felt this feeling and I need to bear in mind that I just need time to sit and digest the information and work out a manageable plan. Scribblettes, do you ever feel overwhelmed with anything? What are your coping techniques?

2008... a retrospective.

2008 has certainly been one heck of a rollercoaster ride... gasping heights, screaming lows... times where I just gripped onto that metal bar for dear life. Here's a completely honest recap of my year - Scribbles uncensored, if you will.

January-March:

The start of the year saw me leave full-time employment to take the leap into the tertiary education path that will see me fulfilling my passions in 2010. I was still recovering from the blindsider that was Ex-S and I breaking up. I got totalled at a friend's engagement party after seeing my "replacement" for the first time and being felt up by the future groom. I freaked out about what I had done with my life, starting to doubt whether I should have left a fulltime job to be a poor student. I lost about six kgs, purely from not eating (not recommended). I got to a point that I realised I was going through the floor and I started seeing a therapist - I'm grateful that I have parents that brought me up to feel that there is no shame in doing this. I turned 23 and did absolutely nothing to celebrate it.

April - June:

I moved back in with my parents for the first time in five years. I had a rebound relationship, which true to form ended badly. I learnt to stop looking for men to make me whole. I knuckled down with my study and realised that I had possibly made the best decision in my life returning to study. I got annoyed with myself because I still wasn't over what had happened with Ex-S. I worked on building up my friendships outside of the insular group of couples I hung out with in 2007. I started this blog (possibly another one of the best decisions I ever made!). I began my new job at the Arts Centre and soon realised how much I loved it compared to my old job! I started dating again.

July - September:

I went on my first proper holiday in years to Christchurch. I had a session with my cousins, who then proceeded to tell their parents about it *cringe* in the middle of a Thai restaurant *cringe* after which my aunty started complaining that her children never ask her to get stoned with them*oh Lord help me shrink into my chair and die*. My mum got diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. I joined a church (and yes, those things are totally as related as they seem) and made a whole bunch of new friends. I made net friends with the most gorgeous girls I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. God (or the universe, whichever you believe) sent in the largest influx of positive people in my life I think I've ever had. I totally laxed out on my university studies yet still seemed to get passing grades. I spent more time with family, things hitting home that time is precious and life is too short. I lost some friends that didn't understand that.

October - December:

I completed my GradDipArts. I got a new look for the Scribbles website. I joined Lady Bloggers of Australasia and made even more fantastic friends! I grew closer to some unexpected friends who help me on my path to awesomeness. I kissed a boy I shouldn't have but find it difficult to regret it. I took a dating hiatus and spent December just laxing out, taking time for my life and myself without the pressure of "looking". I enrolled in my papers for 2009 and started making solid '09 plans. I stopped caring what other people think - summed up in the song by 3LW "Playas Gon' Play"

Playas, they gonna play

And haters, they gonna hate

Ballers, they gonna ball

Shot callers, they gonna call

That ain't got nothin' to do

With me and you

That's the way it is

That's the way it is

If you're gonna be a hater... see ya later. I don't want to waste my time and precious energy on you. I went on a couple of delicious mini-breaks and got to see more of this beautiful country that I live in. I came to terms with the fact that I am not at a place where "Little Me" always thought I would be, and I'm okay with that.

So there is my 2008 in a nutshell (Ahhh help me, I'm stuck in a nutshell!) - the good, the bad and the extraordinarily ugly. Here's to 2009 and all that it brings!

I passed!

While there were no A+s on my transcript, I passed better than I had expected given that this term was less than perfect in terms of what was going on in my life. A+ for effort for me! I'm getting nervous about my teaching program next year though! Because it's a post-grad diploma, everything gets smushed into one really full on year. I'm going to have to be really on the ball... any tips?

A bit of a mutt article...

There's several little bits and pieces I want to catch you guys up on so I figured I'd smush them all into one article for your reading pleasure.

I am now study free until February next year! I finished my last exam this morning and while it wasn't quite what we'd been led to expect, I think that I did fairly well. I'm getting really excited about next year already - the teaching papers were the entire reason that I left my full time job, so it will be exciting to finally start them. I spend seven weeks per semester teaching next year (which means new wardrobe!) and then I'll be a certified high school teacher. Not a registered one, however, you need to teach for two years to get that.

I am so grateful to have my job. This does not mean I love my job all the time - there are definitely times where I find it less than perfect - but it gives me the money I need to live my life and a little bit more. One of my friends has quit her job at very short notice (believe me, totally justified) but now has barely enough to keep a roof over her head, let alone feed herself. My job enabled me to have the money to chip in with friends to provide her with some grocery vouchers and petrol vouchers to get by. And hopefully she finds a new job soon! I can't imagine how scary that must feel.

I saw the movie "Traitor" on the weekend and it was AH-MAY-ZING. Starring Don Cheadle, whose a talented guy, and a brilliant support cast, it has the bombs and explosions that guys love with the serious mind-fuck (! - pardon my language, but its true) that us girls tend to like. It's got a islamic terrorism plot and it was really interesting to see that from a different perspective than the Western Christian perspective that us kiwi/british/aussie/american girls are used to hearing on the news. Not bad for a "hey, we're at the mall, let's see what's on at the movies" pick.

I think fascination is a great basis for the start of a new relationship. For you loved up couples out there, what was the overwhelming emotion of your "courtship"?

BTW... love the word "courtship"

I love Billy Joel - the song "She's Always a Woman to Me" was just on the radio at work and I danced around the office swirling my skirt out to it. My sister and I used to walk to school singing "Sing us a song, you're the piano man, sing us a song tonight, well we're all in the mood for a melody and you've got us feeling alright". That and Little River Band's "The Other Guy"... it's funny how your early music tastes are so influenced by what your parents listen to. And I bet that my parents wished that they had a video camera when my sister and I did a can can rock musical number to "Bohemian Rhapsody"!

I had the worst indigestion before my exam this morning. I had chest pains and thought that it was maybe a sign of an anxiety attack (I've heard they have similar symptoms to heart attacks) and thought it was weird because I wasn't THAT nervous. Sure enough as I was sitting in the exam room I hear my stomach start to burble-urble-urble-urble - REALLY LOUD. Quelle embarrassment. At least I didn't belch. That would have pissed people right off. There was a girl in the exam that kept clearing her throat so loudly it sounded like she was dry retching... that was annoying.

I was at the mall the other day - I know, what a surprise - and saw a new shop being fitted out. The billboard said "Smiggle coming soon". It stuck in my head so vividly because it made me think about the whole Lady and Mr Smaggle and Mr. Smaggle's brother Mr. Squiggle thing so I had to look it up on the web. Turns out it's a gorgeous stationery shop. Now lord knows I love me some Kikki.K and some Nut and Bee, but I feel like this feels an unsatisfied niche in my stationery fetish market :D

You can look forward to daily posting for at least the next four to six weeks! I make a conscious effort to never go more than a couple of days without posting, but with uni over and full time work a wee while away you guys get more Scribbles! Hooray!

Picture if you will...

A Guy Fawkes night at my house (or Fourth of July if you aren't a former English colony LOL)... Dad is lighting the firework out on the lawn... we see the wick of the firework fizz away, getting closer and closer to the gun powder cache that will explode in an array of exciting and beautiful colours. You can hear the hiss as the flame rushes closer to the goal...

Shhhhh-shhhhh-shhhhh-shhhhhhhh...

and as the wick comes to the end, there is a moment of perfect silence and you wait, holding your breath...

*Cough*

Nothing's happening. What seemed five seconds ago so full of promise has turned out to be a dud. Do you get up and walk away, or do you sit and wait just a while longer to see if it goes off?

This is an incredibly long winded way of saying that I have complete and utter writer's block when it comes to one of my assignments right now. I will wake up in the morning and feel a buzzing of inspiration in the back of my brain but by the time I have made my coffee and sat down at my computer - NOTHING. It's clearly not a total inspiration issue, as this blog post makes evident... there's just something about using Toulmin's rhetoric theory in application to mission statements (which yes, is about as dry as it sounds) that is just not wanting to click at all. I'm waiting for divine inspiration to come and slap me across the face with a cold fish. I have until Monday to get this silly thing done... but I have a busy weekend ahead. If inspiration could come in the next couple of days that would be awesome :)

Mum has been hospitalised for that infection that she's obtained so that they can put her on IV antibiotics as a precaution - prayers, good thoughts, positive vibes all accepted; hopefully they'll be able to do the job her white blood cells can't right now.

Why I've been a little quiet recently...

Assignments and a mall-related injury (no wet floor sign!) that put me on crutches... no broken bones, thank god! Soon to resume my regular posting schedule :) N.B. Please ignore the messy nature of my room...it's a bit hard to clean on crutches!

P.S. Gilda, those are my penguin shoes... close up in upcoming post.

Nose back to grindstone...

My lovely mid-semester break is over and I'm back at university. My attendance last semester was somewhat... shall we say "sporadic"?... as we dealt with everything that was going on at home with Mum and so I've assigned myself the task for the latter half of the year of making sure I go to all my classes. I didn't do as well in a couple of the assignments as I'd hoped, so there's definitely improvement that can happen there!

It's somewhat depressing when you receive your living costs from your student loan and pay out about $80 of the $150 on transport alone in the first day... and this is what students are meant to live on. I drive to the train station nearest my work (otherwise I would struggle to make it to work on time a couple of days a week) and then catch the train the rest of the way to the city (45mins still, only in AKL!) In my teaching school interview the woman administering the language comprehension tests told us that ideally we wouldn't work outside of our placements for the year... now considering I pay my parents $125 rent (which would be more - and has been - if I was living with people who didn't feel obliged to keep me LOL) and transport may be even worse next year (multiple transfers or driving my car) I'm not exactly sure how this is meant to work for students who aren't being funded by a partner or kind parents :) Sorry lady, I'm going to have to work! Luckily I have a cruisy job that will let me either take care of my social admin - like you special darlings! - or knuckle down and study if that's what I really need.

And in random little Scribble-ness... I haven't been getting enough sleep lately, and sometimes it's obvious :) I have two pairs of pants that fit well at the moment and I've worn them to the point this winter that they are starting to wear out. I happened to sit down cross-legged in the hallway while waiting for a class yesterday and the middle of my thigh started to feel a bit of a breeze.... sure enough, I look down and there's a hole in the seam about the girth of my index finger. So what does tired old Scribbles do? Sits there looking at the hole and poking her leg jelly through it until it's time to go to class. You can tell I'm tired when something as tiny as this distracts me LOL

Teaching Interview and other miscellany

I had my interview for my teaching grad school yesterday. I've had panel interviews for jobs before but this was the first time that I've had a panel/group interview... and I have to say that I'm not loving the whole group interview scenario. The guy in my group was a total pompous ass harping on about how his biggest challenge in a school environment would be the petty dictatorships and that he would have to find a school that would suit his tender nature - okay I made up the "tender nature" but it was along those lines. Part of me was okay with it because I think it made me look like a better candidate, but I also felt like he kind of monopolised the time in the interview and there was a lot more that I would have liked to have said that I didn't get the chance to.
In saying that, I think I made a good impression. When asked what I thought my biggest challenge would be as a teacher, I said that I could be quite snide and acerbic when I'm irritated and I would have to watch that around the class... reign in my sarcasm, etc. One of the interviewers said that he didn't necessarily qualify that as a bad thing LOL. They were also impressed that I'd done two school visits and that I had attended at my old school (what's classified in the NZ system as a lower decile school) which has somewhat declined in social standing since I was there. I believe that they think that I probably had the most realistic picture of what being a teacher would be like and that the fact that I was still keen on doing it would stand in my favour. We also had to do a language proficiency test but I can't imagine that I did badly on that :). We find out whether we are in within the next couple of weeks!
In other news, Mum starts chemo today! I'm so excited, even though it seems like a weird thing to be excited about. At least something is finally happening to make her better.

Short short update

I took the day off uni today to try and catch up on assignments... with everything that's been going on at home, I'm not as on the ball as I usually am. It also doesn't help that all four of my papers have assignments coming due... one tomorrow, one Friday and two on the following Monday. I've managed to finish off the Due-Thursday assignment this morning and hope to bang out the kinks of the Due-Friday assignment before work this afternoon. That will leave the shorter Due-Monday one to be hit out tomorrow night (after surprise evening lecture) and Friday if necessary and give me all weekend to focus on the more complex Due-Monday essay... minus the meet-and-greet date with Mr Wrigley on Saturday afternoon and the circus with PCock and her partner (PCoppa) on Saturday night. I just need to keep telling myself that I can do this, that its manageable, and that I'm gifted in English so to stop worrying! Breathe and affirm... that's the moral of the story for today, kids.