And so I wrap up my single (blog) life...

It's time to bid farewell to this blog - a bittersweet moment. Looking back over the articles (and over the years), my life changed SO much. New job, new man, hundreds of new experiences. As I moved into the married phase of my life, however, it started to feel less like me. I didn't post anywhere near as much... I lost my mojo.

I'm pleased to say, however, it's back! I'd love for you to follow me on my new blog, Sweet Mama M (the title is purely aspirational at the moment, don't worry!). Click through and have a read - I hope you will love it and it would be great to still be blog friends!

Where have you been?

Wow! I haven't made a post since the end of February and we are now in June. The truth is that I never meant to leave it so long but life really did smack me upside the head. I really underestimated how busy life would get with my new job and planning a wedding. It was so overwhelming and the day after the wedding I was so tired that I looked like I had a stroke!

In saying that, I did have the best time and I'm so glad that SB is finally my husband - even if he got the flu the week after our wedding :). And what kind of blogger would I be if I didn't give you a few sneak peeks of guest photos - we're still waiting on our pro pics and video to get back.

It sort of feels like the beginning of a new chapter in our lives and as such, I'll be phasing out Scribbles as my blogging vehicle over the next year and starting to blog at a currently secret location. Continue to follow me here for sporadic posts here and there and a big announcement when the new blog goes public!

February, I hardly knew you...

It's safe to say that I've been overwhelmed by the new job... and at this point I can't quite pinpoint why. I'm certainly not alone - the other teachers who started at the school at the same time as me feel similarly rushed off their feet, whether this is their first year teaching or whether they have been teaching for over five years. If I'm being honest, I'm a little disappointed. I thought that this was going to be the right place for me and I'm increasingly feeling like a round peg in a square hole. I know that there are lessons I'm meant to be learning here (there always are, wherever you find yourself), but they aren't apparent yet.

It's not all doom and gloom though. Despite the turmoil I've managed to maintain my weight at the lowest it has been in five years. I'm only 7 kg away from my first goal weight at which point I will have lost 25kg (that's like a five-year-old, right?). We've managed to go on a couple of spectacular all-day dates, one to the Devonport Wine & Food Festival and one to Hamilton for fabulous Mexican food and a walk around the Gardens. I turn 27 tomorrow and I'm still alive. Despite her treatment setbacks, so is Mama Scribs. We're getting married in just over 90 days and we're looking for a new rental closer to where we would like to settle down.

I guess it all comes back to that Balance word. I feel like I'm nowhere near where I want to be at the moment but at least I feel like I'm making progress. It's like that shampoo ad that shall remain nameless... it won't happen overnight, but it will happen!

So excited!

The darling Em of Lick My Cupcakes is coming to New Zealand this week and we get to have dinner with her (and her lovely man) on Friday! She was one of my first lady-blogger friends and it will be great to finally have a big smooshy cuddle with her in person!

Who wouldn't wanna hang with these cool kids?

I think I could have happily lived in the 50s...

It's now just one week until I go back to work. I think back to the middle of November and how big the chasm of time felt, the time when I was going to be "funemployed". Two and a half months seems like a really long time but it has just gone by in a flash. I know it sounds cliche but it is totally true.

I really worried that I'd feel unfulfilled while staying at home. The financial side of things has been harder - while we certainly haven't struggled, we haven't had a lot of disposable income either and I will have to catch up on my contributions to our wedding account that I would have made in the time I had off (about $1500). What surprised me is how little not working mattered to my sense of self.

A few of my friends who have had children lately feel a loss of a sense of self when not working - that who they are in their job is a large part of their identity and an identity that they can no longer affiliate themselves with. I haven't felt the same. While I love teaching, it isn't as much of my identity as I thought and the desire to teach flows out in different ways when I'm not in a classroom.

This got me to thinking about the future. We hope that we're blessed enough to be able to have children. We've always assumed that I will stay home if financially possible because we both had SAHM/WAHM mothers when we were young. This time has made me realize that I would be blissfully happy to do that if  we have the opportunity; something my thirteen-year old self would have been horrified by.

As modern women we can have it all, or we can have the parts we want. Part of me wants to be a 50s housewife staying home with my (possible future) children, cleaning and cooking lovely meals for my man and that should be no less judged than the woman who choses to go back to work.

Scribblettes, when you look into your future, what do you see?


So... I'm going to try on wedding dresses tomorrow. Squee right? 
So I'm stuck wondering why I'm not feeling so squee.

I wonder whether it's because I'm not yet the size I'd hoped to be when I first went dress shopping. I don't think that anyone should tie their sense of worth (and their beauty as a bride) to a dress size, but I'd hoped to lose all my weight in a year - at 30 kg from my largest, maybe I should have been more realistic. I'm now hoping to be 7 kg lighter than I am now by the time the wedding and at my goal weight by my weight loss anniversary in November, an additional 5 kg.

I'm also wondering whether... well... I don't care so much. I want a pretty dress but I really don't have many of the details set in stone. White or off-white, silhouettes, sashes, one-strap/two-straps/strapless... I don't really mind! I'm thinking that it will probably be chiffon but I'm certainly not tied to it. I've organized the things that really matter to me and maybe I'm just one of those brides that doesn't care that much about the dress.

I see our day out as a really fun outing with mum and French "sister" C - especially seeing we're taking in "high tea" at the Langham. I'm just hoping I feel a little bit more of the magic once I'm in the dresses!

Monthly Resolutions - Jan

So yesterday I told you about my word for the year and some of you have fantastic words of your own! I think Bridey hit the nail right on the head when she said that you know it's the right word for you when the thought of it scares you a little! So what does balance mean this month?

  • Relationship: No phones during meal times (with the exception of when SB is on call) - focus should be on each other at these times and it's a bad habit we've let creep in
  • Health: Eating whatever I want as long as I'm under calorie intake for the day - I've started calorie counting to get the rest of the weight off and I know that I should eat healthy but I'm giving myself permission to have whatever food I want within reason. It's working well so far and I don't feel deprived
  • Work/Social: Trying to occupy myself at home or within walking distance of home as much as possible - we're feeling the pinch financially with being on one income and still saving for the wedding and I know I will be grateful for this quiet time once everything takes off again.
  • Financial: Being honest with friends and family about our ability to do things with them this month that cost a lot of money - we either don't do it or we come up with another solution.
Simple intentions when written down, not quite as easy to do in real life - but it's meant to be a challenge, right?

How are you planning your goals/resolutions/intentions this year? Annually? Monthly?