Last weekend was crazy busy - I spent Saturday morning working on an assignment and time just slid away. By the time that I'd finished my laundry in the afternoon, I'd run out of time to visit my grandmother before having to head out for the evening. After a brief stop at SB's house, we headed out to a 30th birthday dinner which we then departed early from to go to a housewarming around 30kms away from the dinner party. Sunday was barely a sleep in before going into church early to do a job there, shot up into the central city (again, about 30kms, not a small drive) to attend a baby shower, which I departed early from to attend the 2nd birthday of Ms.Bee's daughter. By the time I got back to SBs at around 6pm that evening, the last thing I felt like was cooking dinner but I had promised that I would. SB picked up the load once I had seasoned our burrito beef and then we curled up and watched Grey's Anatomy... well I did, he read a magazine.
SB looked at me on the couch looking absolutely shattered... he said gently that he worried that i over-commit myself. I agreed, and told him I didn't plan on doing it again this semester as I have so much to worry about at uni and I also value our alone time - I think it's important for all relationships. In my head I have this picture of saying yes to maybe one or two things each weekend, depending on how busy I am with uni stuff.
BUT The little whiner sitting on my shoulder is going "What if you miss things?" "You need to stay in touch with your friends" "How are you gonna choose?" "People are going to be sad if you don't choose their thing". I'm getting to the point when I need to knock that little whiner right the hell out. It's no life if I sacrifice the things that are important to me in order to make everyone else happy. Does anyone else struggle with managing their friends and responsibilities while creating the right life for them?
SB looked at me on the couch looking absolutely shattered... he said gently that he worried that i over-commit myself. I agreed, and told him I didn't plan on doing it again this semester as I have so much to worry about at uni and I also value our alone time - I think it's important for all relationships. In my head I have this picture of saying yes to maybe one or two things each weekend, depending on how busy I am with uni stuff.
BUT The little whiner sitting on my shoulder is going "What if you miss things?" "You need to stay in touch with your friends" "How are you gonna choose?" "People are going to be sad if you don't choose their thing". I'm getting to the point when I need to knock that little whiner right the hell out. It's no life if I sacrifice the things that are important to me in order to make everyone else happy. Does anyone else struggle with managing their friends and responsibilities while creating the right life for them?
It's great to be busy and have exciting things to do. It's lovely to have a wide network of family and friends. But sometimes it's just as good (or better) to stay at home and read a book, or spend a Saturday night in cuddled up by the heater. I constantly try to work on the balance but admit it's usually feast or famine. If you work out the answer, then please let me know ...
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to say "no", I completely understand where you are coming from wtih that one! This year I told myself that I was going to be a "yes-woman" and for the most part I have, but this semester I am really going to pair that back because of the importance of my thesis. Last semester I proved that I could have an active social life and still do very well with my studies, and I think it is important to have that social life as well, but this semester I have picked up an extra shift at work, only have 11 weeks left of uni and have so many other things I want to do! I will still see my friends, just not as frequently. They are all understanding and have busy and hectic lives too so we are all in the same boat. I think your friends will understand if you sometimes say "no" :)
ReplyDeleteI used to find it really hard to say no to people. I had "doormat" written all over me and people knew it - I could never say no if someone asked for help/invited me somewhere no matter what personal expense.
ReplyDeleteMy solution? I moved 4.5 hours away. A bit drastic perhaps but it sure solved the problem! Now I almost wish for those days when I was Miss Social Whirl, it's much harder making new friends than I thought and I miss my comfy-known-for-ages-and-still-love-me-warts-and-all friends.
It's hard to say no to people, but something I've learned a lot over the past few years is that you matter, and by committing to meeting your own needs you enable yourself to give more freely and effortlessly of your time and talents to others because you don't feel so run ragged or taken advantage of all the time.
ReplyDeleteHave a few more nights in, I say!
It's always a balancing act - I'm always worried about missing out on stuff too! But if you don't look after yourself you will end up paying for it later on believe me I know! My solution - think a bit in advance - so you don't end up missing out on the really good stuff, prioritise the stuff that's really important
ReplyDelete