I really worried that I'd feel unfulfilled while staying at home. The financial side of things has been harder - while we certainly haven't struggled, we haven't had a lot of disposable income either and I will have to catch up on my contributions to our wedding account that I would have made in the time I had off (about $1500). What surprised me is how little not working mattered to my sense of self.
A few of my friends who have had children lately feel a loss of a sense of self when not working - that who they are in their job is a large part of their identity and an identity that they can no longer affiliate themselves with. I haven't felt the same. While I love teaching, it isn't as much of my identity as I thought and the desire to teach flows out in different ways when I'm not in a classroom.
This got me to thinking about the future. We hope that we're blessed enough to be able to have children. We've always assumed that I will stay home if financially possible because we both had SAHM/WAHM mothers when we were young. This time has made me realize that I would be blissfully happy to do that if we have the opportunity; something my thirteen-year old self would have been horrified by.
As modern women we can have it all, or we can have the parts we want. Part of me wants to be a 50s housewife staying home with my (possible future) children, cleaning and cooking lovely meals for my man and that should be no less judged than the woman who choses to go back to work.
Scribblettes, when you look into your future, what do you see?
I'm a total homebody and could quite easily do the 1950s thing! My ideal is working from home, so when we (hopefully) have kids I'll be able to stay home and have a career too.
ReplyDeleteI am so with you. I thought I wanted to be a career woman - all high heels, cellphone and briefcase...but you know what? I tried that, and it wasnt me. AT ALL. Now I love my days at home, I even love cleaning and cooking and takin care o' my man mmmhmmm. BUT, the boyf never had a SAHM, and expects me to be a working woman for the rest of my life. Hmmm. How to compromise on this? I need to discover something I can do from home that allows me to contribute financially, but let's me be a 50's housewife too. The start of it was him agreeing to me only working 4 days a week while we were overseas (baby steps)!
ReplyDeleteI always used to see myself as the SAHM type but realistically financially I would have to work and the b/f would have to stay at home, there isn't another way we could afford to have a house and child on his income which is sad. I don't want to miss out on all the cool things that come with having a little one around though so I need to work out how I can work from home between now and the time kiddilinks come along :)
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