Being unwilling to forgive is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies - Unknown

It's an interesting topic, forgiveness... we often hear exceptional stories of forgiveness in the news with victims forgiving their attackers, families forgiving those who have killed their loved ones - big acts of forgiveness that we might find unconscionable. Yet we don't think about the small acts of forgiveness that we could and should participate in.
Ever had a friend say something unkind to you? It could just have been in passing, she may not have even realised that you were offended. Yet you sit there silently stewing about it. Lying in bed that night, you think about it over and over... How could she have said that? Next time you meet up, you are already approaching this point of connection with a negative attitude - you're just waiting for her to say something else. Your friend is blissfully unaware of all this - your negative attitude is only impacting you. It's not something that you necessarily need to bring up with your friend, but something that you need to release in your heart. Mentally, just let it go... It's not the same as forgetting it ever happened, but it is putting it in the past and letting you move on with your future.
It seems so easy to hold a grudge, especially when the person has hurt you deeply. I was so mad at Ex-S for so long after we broke up... how dare he break up with me? How dare he break my heart? How dare he move on so quickly (he was seeing someone else within a week of moving out of the house we shared)? How dare he act like such an immature baby and never speak to me again? For months I was this dual personality - shiny happy bubble when I made the effort but little rotting ball of insecurity, anger, self-loathing and pity when I just didn't have the strength. Gothica, on her annual trip over from Oz, was surprised at how much I had changed - how miserable I was, considering I didn't put up a facade with her. I wasn't interested in forgiving Ex-S... he had broken my heart, ruined my hopes and dreams and basically enforced my fears that I wasn't "good enough".
The change actually came about when another guy in that particular group of friends started texting me anonymously saying nasty things - I actually thought that it might have been the new gf. When I found out who it was, I was devastated. I stopped hanging out with those friends to a large extent and ventured out into the world, making and strengthening other friendships that I had perhaps been neglecting to do while I was with Ex-S. These friends encouraged me to make positive changes in my life and I knew that one of these changes I needed to make was to forgive Ex-S. He'll never know (we don't talk) and even if he did, I doubt he'd care but this process of forgiveness makes ME feel so much better. It's been a process and I don't think that I'm fully there yet but it is nice to release that pain and put it in my past so that I can move on and have a successful and happy future. As the quote at the beginning of the article says, it's pretty daft of me to keep on drinking the poison and hoping that he'll die!
So how about you possums? Is there someone that you should try and forgive? Are you holding onto grudges that only serve to make YOU feel rotten and awful? Remember that it's a conscious process - in the words of a certain televison ad "It won't happen overnight, but it will happen". Take the first step towards forgiving someone today!

1 comment:

  1. Such a true and well-written article :) Once upon a time, when I was younger, I used to be QUEEN Of Grudges, haha! I then realised that they really are so pointless, and such a huge waste of time and energy - and I'm so much better for it!