Yesterday, I had an incident happen at school and did not have the support that I had expected nor the help that I required at that point in time from people in superior positions to my own. I sat in my class after school filing the necessary paperwork with tears welling in my eyes. I moved some stuff into the staff workroom and returned to my class to get some more. I must have looked like I wanted to die because one of my colleagues followed me back to the class room, where she hugged me and I proceeded to cry it out on her shoulder.
This wasn't the end of it... I was dwelling on it as I was at my parents using their printer. I was dwelling on it over my dinner that SB made me and the glass of wine I had to drown my sorrows. It was still on my mind as I went to bed. I didn't feel like talking over the incident with my head of department - I was still too angry. How could I get out of our weekly meeting? I wasn't in the mood.
I woke up this morning and it struck me - just be honest. I caught my HOD before school and told her that I'd had a really bad class the day before, that I'd been pissed off all yesterday evening and I still didn't really feel like I have the perspective to talk about it today. Reaction: understanding, happy to postpone, "we've all been there" look on her face. Right, next step, email the people I feel have let me down. Yes, they are quite senior to me in position... but what is the worst that can happen? I'm on a fixed-term contract, I can move on. I need to focus on what the best-case scenario is - working conditions I can tolerate and support I need.
Scribblettes, do you find yourself stuck when trying to stand up for yourself? How do you push through it?
Good on you for taking that step! I find it really hard to confront anyone who isn't related to me, especially when it comes to work.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny though, that totally changes if I need to stick up for someone else rather than just myself.
It's on my list of things to work on :)